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The current bunker is https://8chan.moe/tower/ and a list of all current bunkers can be found on https://www.magechan.org/ I can also be contacted via modmin@airmail.cc

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Welcome back, mages. Part II 05/22/2022 (Sun) 22:41:35 No.2192
I'm not the same person who created the previous general thread (>>2), but since that one reached bump limit and it's about to fall off the front page, I thought it was time to start a new thread. So, like the original OP said, hop in this thread when you can and post about what you're up to or your thoughts lately.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems like there's been less people around here lately. Then again I haven't been posting much either since I don't do anything day to day nor have anything worthwhile to say. The only thing to happen lately is that some plants I was growing died. Forgot to water them one day when it turned out to be a really hot one. Lost a rare medicinal herb I planted a long time ago that was supposed to give you vivid dreams. Never did try it since it was always sickly and didn't grow much. More than once it was a source of anxiety for me so it's bit of a relief to have it gone, but also a bit disappointing.
>>2194 Unfortunately, I've also noticed that there hasn't been much activity around here these past few weeks. Hopefully, you're right and it's just that none of us have anything interesting to say. I'm really sorry to hear that your plants died. From what you said, they were a very special kind of plants, in fact, I didn't know there was a medicinal herb that could give you vivid dreams. Our of curiosity, what is the name of that herb? To be honest, I can understand why you think it's a bit of a relief to have it gone. Taking care of a plant can be difficult. My mother spends a lot of time working on her garden, but she enjoys it a lot. As for me, I haven't done anything interesting lately. I've just been busy with my studies and trying to make some money. Actually, I forgot how much I disliked dealing with my university life. On a lighter note, I recently downloaded Unity for an assignment. I can see why so many people use that game engine. You can even download interactive tutorial projects to help you learn how to use the program. I doubt I'll make good use of it, though.
>2195 >I didn't know there was a medicinal herb that could give you vivid dreams. Well, I am not sure if it really works since I never really tried it. You never know with this sort of stuff how much is just placebo. But I hoped something like that does exist, since dreaming is one of the few things I actually really enjoy. >Our of curiosity, what is the name of that herb? I actually don't know exactly which it was. Years ago I had bought the seeds of several plants said to help with dreaming, but only one or two of them ever germinated. From what I recall the species were Calea Zacatechichi, Silene undulata, Entada rheedii, Nymphaea caerulea, and perhaps one or two others I can't recall. >I've just been busy with my studies and trying to make some money. Actually, I forgot how much I disliked dealing with my university life. Sorry to hear that mage. Having to deal with uni alone is hard enough, but also having to make money on top of that must be exhausting. >I recently downloaded Unity for an assignment. I can see why so many people use that game engine. You can even download interactive tutorial projects to help you learn how to use the program. I hear that unity is used for a bunch of stuff in unis these days, not just games but also stuff like physics simulations and AI. Outside of the assignment, is playing with game engines or even making a game something you've wanted to do? In any case may luck be with you in your undertakings, monetary, academic and everything else.
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>>2196 >You never know with this sort of stuff how much is just placebo That's true, it's impossible to know if those kinds of medicinal herbs actually work until you try them yourself. And even then, you can't be sure if the effects are not the work of your own mind. >Calea Zacatechichi, Silene undulata, Entada rheedii From what I read, these three plants can increase the clarity and realism of your dreams. Unfortunately, they seem to be quite exotic, so I doubt I could find them in my city. Anyway, thank you for sharing their names with me. >Sorry to hear that mage. Having to deal with uni alone is hard enough, but also having to make money on top of that must be exhausting. Don't worry, I think I exaggerated a bit when I talked about my current situation. To be honest, I'm only taking two courses this semester and I'm lucky to have a job with flexible hours. It's just that, since my mother was diagnosed with a kidney condition, we have been spending more money than usual, so I'd love to find a way to make a little more of money. >hear that unity is used for a bunch of stuff in unis these days, not just games but also stuff like physics simulations and AI I didn't know about that. It certainly sounds interesting. I'll do some research on that later. >Outside of the assignment, is playing with game engines or even making a game something you've wanted to do? I've been interesting in making games for a long time, but unfortunately, I have never taken the time to work on it. I made a few games some years ago, but none of those project is particularly interesting. In fact, I only made them because they were part of some of my previous subjects. Thank you so much for wishing me good luck with these things, mage. I wish you the best too.
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I found an interesting Brazilian artist on ArtStation yesterday. There's something about his art style that reminds me of Hieronymus Bosch's paintings, but I don't know what it is. Anyway, maybe it's just me imagining things. Something I really like about his work is that he usually writes a little story to accompany his works. For instance, here's the story behind the image I attached to this post: “Nothing would stop old Thomas from guarding his post. Not old age, not the war, not even blindness. He actually trained a bald rambler to act as his eyes and ears. Old Thomas was a symbol of dedication, he died standing on his post, guarding quietly a doorway leading to nowhere anymore.” I also enjoyed these two pictures/stories, but they are a little too long to post here: >Rocky https://www.artstation.com/artwork/314JA >The Crying Beast https://www.artstation.com/artwork/zD9BEw Warning: some of his drawings can be too grotesque for some people.
I never actually posted on (old) Magechan and I forget if I ever made posts on /tower/ or simply lurked. I've lurked between a few communities since 8chan died, and never felt at home with any of them, I rarely felt at home with any community I was 'part of' on the Internet. I think I can finally give up on that all now, but I did remember /tower/ so I thought I'd leave a post. There's not really that much hope to put in the general future, I don't think. You could point out a lot of things for why this is, I generally tend to point at people having low standards in their lives generally just accepting awful things then moving on, but regardless there's a reason why people's imaginations have taken a complete turn away from futuristic utopias and moved towards pure dystopian worlds instead. The idea that computers were designed to help society almost seems laughable with how soulcrushing most people find them these days, which seems to be similar to how the car evolved from its lifechanging reality to an everpresent commodity that people want to get away from desperately. Most people where I live are just waiting for the day of nuclear war, mass uprisings and rebellions, waiting for their one martyr to give them an excuse to throw away their lives in a pointless inferno, or at least they say they are, but they're hypocrites and will never take the first step even if the reality were right outside their doorstep. If the end times were on us, I know for a fact I'd simply be dead. There's no point in sugarcoating the reality of it, I'm a pretty weak fuck. In the case of nuclear war, I'd be obliterated immediately, in the case of a mass uprising that basically ceases all government functions I'd be made a slave or worse. I'm sick of people simply awaiting the day everything can be erased so they can start all over again, because they live under the assumption that they're the ones who'd be starting it all over. I can't say I blame them though, I have fantasies of being reborn as a completely different person somewhere more simple, where everything is much more simple to understand and love and personal freedom are guarunteed, it's nice escapism to imagine those kinds of worlds. That being said, I don't think it's worth killing yourself over. Death is an assignment you have to turn in anyways so you may as well procrastinate it to the last minute. Even if the general future itself is bleak, and there's probably nothing anyone is going to do about it, there's lots of room for personal enjoyment in life. I don't mean simple hedonism, of course, I mean something you can really feel proud about doing. I know here it seems like there's a lot of people with unique hobbies and such. This can be anything really, just whatever gets you out of bed and makes the daily slog of doing chores and taking care of yourself feel worth it. It's odd where simple joy can come from, and everything else might naturally spring up from it. I won't say anything'll be easy, or that you'll enjoy it at first, or that'll make you want to stop killing yourself, but simple dedication to something with a little difficulty like that can give you a feeling of worth. Me, I want to learn how to code and how to draw and I want to make programs and art that I can be happy with, and I think that would genuinely make me happy even if both are frustrating and difficult. I've been reading a lot about productivity recently and when you put it into perspective with books it can be very easy to understand how to be productive, as well as be convinced that nonproductivity is toxic and should be naturally avoided. What I'll end up drawing, I'm not certain since plans change. My ideas currently are to draw comics since I enjoy their visual storytelling aspect, and as for coding I can contribute to projects I enjoy and perhaps find a way to get a good job out of it to contribute to my other hobbies. I apologize for posting as someone who wasn't actually a Magechan user, and I'm unlikely to post again. The books I was reading are: A Mind for Numbers - How to Excel at Math and Science Even if You Flunked Algebra (It's based on math and studying for college, but can be applied to anything.) Atomic Habits - An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits (habitmaking in general) Some other ones I was thinking of reading and seem useful are: Deep Work - Rules For Focused Success In a Distracted World Make It Stick - The Science of Successful Learning If you're interested in reading you can find copies of them and many other books on places like z-lib, assuming it's not blocked wherever you live. I don't believe in the hedonistic black death end of the world normalfag way of living and creating structure like this is a good way of moving yourself away from that.
I thought about the last wiz spinoff we had that went down. They don't stick around too long for obvious reasons. Liz is still up, but it's kind of its own thing.
I think my sleep has improved since I stopped drinking coffee. I didn't feel much from drinking it, it never kept me awake, but it must have been messing with my head still. Or maybe it's just coincidence, seemingly randomly I can have bouts of good sleep, and then terrible insomnia. only time will tell.
>>2205 I'm glad you find a way to improve your sleep, mage. To be honest, I drink a lot of coffee diary, but I don't usually have trouble sleeping because I take some pills for that (which I don't recommend, to be honest). Anyway, I guess it's best to avoid coffee for overall well-being. By the way, I read somewhere that it's easy to give up coffee. Is that true? >>2202 I didn't know Lizchan was still online. I've only visit that IB a couple of times, but I'm glad they are still alive. >>2199 Welcome, mage. I'm glad you decided to make a post here. I can see you are going through a lot right know, but you seem to have found a great way to confront those problems. I hope your thoughts will inspire more than one wizard to see the world in a new light. By the way, thank you for the book recommendations.
>>2199 >Death is an assignment you have to turn in anyways so you may as well procrastinate it to the last minute. I do think this way too. I figure I might as well just live my life, what's the use in speeding up my end? Yet I wish things were better. I guess I can't complain, I've had my life handed to me on a silver platter. So I'll persist.
Lately I've come to terms with my aging self and the kind of BS that comes with it. I just turned 27 and I've recently been more aware of the kind of expectations/treatment people might have towards a man my age. Like, prior to me being 23, I never understood why someone would be so hesitant/insecure to be honest or share their age. But the last three years or so, I've noticed peoples' disposition would change after revealing my age(I look much younger than I am, consistently surprising people of all ages/attractiveness/gender) I don't doubt it has alot more to do with my height and my parents genetics(they were both fairly attractive until about the age 25), but since around the age of around 19, I've been youthmaxxing(before it was even a term). During my late teens, I developed noticeable acne/scars that only worsened my already hopeless Social Anxiety and Depression at that time. I distinctly remember being so neurotic, anytime I mustered the courage to leave the house, I would make a spectacle of myself or complete strangers would treat me unbelievably poorly. It was so bad, I really wished something like Google-glass or camera-glasses were an affordable thing for an unemployable HikikiNEET at the time, since people really had a hard time believing just how bad people will treat if you carry yourself as badly as I did(mostly redditors with their just-world crap and survivorship bias) After a failed suicide-attempt at 19, I figured for whatever reason, I was stuck here for the long-haul, so I made the biggest push for self-improvement I ever made up until that point in my life. I ate better, I downloaded depression/anxiety worksheets and therapy tapes, I forced myself to drink water and only water despite hating it, went to the park or had these long-ass nighttreks that looking back, I'm surprised I wasn't kidnapped for my organs since I was listening to music at 12AM-4AM. Little-later(6months-1year later) my acne gradually went away on its own(no treatments worked, it just went away) and I was still stuck with the scars/pigmentation. So to lessen their appearance I got into microneedling, sunscreen, and limiting sun exposure. Later learned the same things were greatly beneficial for anti-aging and just went "fuck it" having gotten used to the smell of sunscreen and microneedling procedures, so I stuck with them to this day, since somehow, I knew then i would be reaching milestones much later in life than your average person(job, driving,etc,.) Anyway, so I'm a good deal older now and I understand people are a lot less tolerant of older men who don't come across as "put-together" or mature. It's been something I've worried about more than ever now, at this age, people are a lot less patient with you in general(coworkers expect more and less willing to train, your inexperience makes connecting with people much more difficult,etc,.) and MUCH LESS forgiving to social faux pas. I just hope I can develop myself in time to better mask-in, before the agecreep really starts coming on me. To clarify, I'm not gunning for being "normie" or relationships. It's just when you've been treated so poorly, it's enough of a fuel to make sure that DOESN'T happen again. Sometime last year, male-pattern baldness creeped on me and I didn't notice until the very end of the year. Thankfully, I was able to reverse most of it, but yeah, my hairline is never going to be as good as it was as a teenager. As a norwood 1.5, I implore you guys to regularly check your temples and crown if you have a habit of growing out your hair or not cutting it at all. I was in disbelief with how it just creeped up on me, only noticing the recession when I put pulled my hair back at the temples. Really didn't mean for this to come out longer as it did, but I felt the context was necessary and maybe a younger lurker could get something out of it as I did, regularly browsing wizchan and later magicchan 18-24. Don't really post on these type of boards, since at this point, brooding/self-pitying is completely ineffectual for me and if things are that bad for me again, it is more sensible I use one of my older relatives ID, buy the latest peaceful pill handbook, order nembutal from their sources, have it delivered, buy some chocolate, and just trek through a nice secluded trail, sit there, and do myself in.
>>2209 >Thankfully, I was able to reverse most of it Any tips? Minoxidil? I think I may be receding.
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>>2209 To be honest, I've dealing with those kinds of feelings for a long time. Like you, I'm don't have as much experience in life as people my own age (I'm 30 years old), which can make thing difficult when you're forced to interact with other people. However, when it comes to my appearance, I have the opposite problem from you, I've always looked older than I am. I hate that, but over the years, I've learned to deal with my problem.
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>>2210 Honestly, man. I'm not gonna bullshit you. IF you can pull off the completely shaved look or have some chance of coming across as intimidating/gruff and don't mind having to spend several minutes every few days shaving your head, so you don't get the gross friar boy cut or horsehoof, JUST SHAVE IT ALL OFF. I tried shaving it all off recently just to see what I have to work with if I stop treatment or looking ahead 20 years ahead, and it just does not work for me, a baby-faced, 5'7 man with the body frame of a mannequin. But here's what I do/use. This will only be mostly applicable to Americans: >1x Finasteride daily (Redpill on the left) >1.5 Weekly microneedling on the entire head with M8 Dr Pen using 16 Needle cartridges (Just use youtube guides)[buy the Pen and cartridges on EBAY from a seller who will ship it to you FROM the US, or else you will mail months for your order. I bought the Pen for about 70 bucks(JAN2022)and 100PC 16 pin M8 cartridges in bulk for little over a hundred bucks(FEB 2022). Soak them in alcohol for a bit, let it dry, use, and dispose the cartridge when done.) >Minoxidil spread across entire head once before going to bed(it is recommended you do this twice a day for best results, I do it once and got respectable results). Foam = Dries Faster, more expensive Topical Solution = Cheaper, oily and takes slightly longer to dry. >Nizoral/any shampoo with at least 1 percent Ketoconazole 2-3 times a week, leave it on the Scalp for a few minutes, you can use that claw accessory but it isn't necessary. This stuff really just helps prevent dandruff from forming from the Minoxidil. Since my original doctor(old insurance plan)was more than familiar with my Depression/anxiety, there's no way he was going to prescribe me Finasteride/Dutasteride, so I jumped on Keep's 3-month trial of Finasteride for a couple months until I found a new doctor through a new insurance plan because I got kicked out of my parent's family work insurance plan at 26. Once I found a new doctor, I let him know my past history with ADHD/Anxiety, omitting Depression since that would have ruined my chance of getting prescribed Finasteride. I got prescribed Finasteride and I ended up canceling my keeps subscription before the next payment, I just told them "No particular reason, just not interested in taking it at the moment" and the young woman thankfully got the hint and wasn't gonna haggle with me about reinstating my sub. I get my prescriptions from COSTCO as a COSTCO MEMBER, since I only pay like 10 bucks(not using my insurance, United Health, since it is not affilated with costco) for a 3-month supply of Finasteride VERSUS the $300~ my current insurance would have me paying on places like CVS, Walgreens, etc... Just get a Costco membership, you will make back the 60 bucks you spent on the membership easily from what you save on Gasoline, some expensive prescriptions like FINASTERIDE/DUTASTERIDE, and the kirkland minoxidil treatments cheaper than anywhere else. Just be aware of the possible side effects, I didn't get GYNO or LIMP-DICK, but after the 6-month mark I did notice my anxiety/minor-Depression were noticeably excarberated. I had to take up running regularly, intaking a slew of vitamins/supplements, and Atmoxetine/Bupropion to counteract the mental sides. I also tried Dutasteride[yellow pill on the Right](An incomparably more powerful DHT-Inhibitor than Finasteride, THIS is what you take when you REALLY REALLY want REGROWTH or have SEVERE MPB) but it gave me the worst the mental side effects a drug has given me in my entire life, so I gave up with taking it at all. I took it for 4 days straight and then stopped because it gave me the worst Suicidal Depression/Anxiety I had since my late teens. I also tried taking Dutasteride every other day, 3X a week, but the catastrophic mental effects would creep up not long after. None of my doctors would have prescribed me DUTASTERIDE(for good reason) so I ended getting a 6-month prescription plan shipped to me from a site called, Medical Wellness Center for around $60. I took the prescription to COSTCO where I paid $14 bucks for a 30-day supply. I saw good results using all the above combined(except Dutasteride) in four months, and the results only continue to improve. Figure I will take advantage of the shaved scalp to Microneedle/Minoxidil easier for the summer, before the Fall semester starts. Hope this helps.
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>>2210 Also, if you can, get your hormones/blood checked from your GP. It will give a good clue on how much those does drugs may effect you. >>2211 >which can make thing difficult when you're forced to interact with other people >I've learned to deal with my problem Yes, I've been forced to resign from a couple of jobs because of not being able to meld with my coworkers. Blue-collar workers I've personally found are not very Non-Neurotypical friendly and I just find them mostly annoying/boring(mostly talk about their kids/wife,sports,surface level interests/music, rarely passionate about anything, drinks and/or smoke regularly, you know the type...) How have you dealt with similar, if you don't mind me asking? Been doing a lot of short-term gig work until recently, so I did come across some issues occasionally.
>>2214 Rereading my previous post, I think I exaggerated a bit. My situation has little to do with yours. I'm a freelancer and I didn't have much interaction with people outside my immediate family. I greet my neighbors when I see them and sometimes I talk to my classmates (who only talk about their jobs and how busy they are). Sometimes I have problems exchanging e-mails with some clients; I can't imagine how I'd feel if I had to deal with co-workers. I'm sorry that my previous post wasn't clear enough. One thing that has worked for me in the past is to just listen to their complaints and opinions, as if you were their confidant. If you're asked about your private life, answer with vague answers.
>>2207 Sorry for the late reply, I haven't had much energy lately. >By the way, I read somewhere that it's easy to give up coffee. Is that true? In my case I have to say it was. Though I did have a slight headache the day after I quit, that was about it for withdrawal. The most difficult part was ending the habit/ritual of treating myself to espresso with milk and muscovado sugar throughout the day. It had formed quite a large part of my dietary intake and the preparation let me break the monotony of daily living. So stopping left me a bit of kilter.
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Apparently, one of my nieces tried to kill herself yesterday. Her boyfriend phoned my sister and told her what happened. Luckily, she survived and now she feels better. My mother and my sister visited her today to check on her, but when they came back, they started to criticize my niece and even compared her to her father (according to them, her father has a reputation for playing the victim and lying). I tried to tell them that they were being too rough on her, but they wouldn't listen to me. I know my mother and my sister love her, but I guess they are angry because they think my niece is badmouthing them to her psychiatrist and her boyfriend. I don’t know what to think about this. She used to live with us just a year ago, but she has changed a lot since she moved out. I just hope she gets better soon.
>>2222 When I tried getting on disability, they sent me to this loser psychologist who clearly wasn't getting many actual patients in his poorly-rated, shoddily-furnished clinic. The bastard was unbelievably rude and it was clear he held a bias for those trying to get in the system. When I read his report, he lied about almost everything and his "evaluation" was clearly written to devalue my case. The worst thing, there's real no recourse for victims of these scumbags. Since they are not your "real" doctor, they can't be held liable to accusations of malpractice, unless they do something blatant like physically assault you.
>>2223 That's awful mate. I'm so sorry. I've been to practices like that and it really is terrible. I wasn't treated nearly as bad as you and I still have a phobia about those types even now. So that sort of treatment was what I was expecting. Then again I don't really know how to read people. I haven't read the actual report, so they might have been just pretending so they could write something bad later. Sorry I even brought it up, I was intending it to be a sort of funny self deprecating anecdote but I fucked it up and instead it just stirred up bad memories.
I have been reading a book about the history of the region where I live and it's kind of unintentionally funny. I wasn't expecting much because it's not very populous and hasn't been settled (by people with written language) for long, but it's more interesting than I expected. The place is basically propped up by expenditures from the central government and it turns out that this has been so since the earliest attempts to develop it. Something about the land deceives newcomers into thinking that it has a great deal of potential but inevitably it just consumes all resources invested in it and sends everyone broke (and in earlier times many were speared by indigenous people). It's kind of amusing to read about time after time some new development scheme being hatched, only to be beset by problems to the point where the thing fails completely and everyone goes broke (they're lucky, in the early days many were speared by indigenous people). I guess hope springs eternal because somehow nobody ever learns from the mistakes of those that came before, even when they are warned, and there's always some new grand scheme waiting to soak up other people's money.
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>>2224 No no, you're fine m8. It was so long ago, I don't really have much pains about it anymore. I've been really fortunate to have my faith in doctors/Psychs/etc be rejuvenated because of the team I have helping me now. Most people are SHIT, but the few gems really push my suicide further away. >>2216 >One thing that has worked for me in the past is to just listen to their complaints and opinions, as if you were their confidant Dale Carnegie! Yeah, that's usually enough to keep you floating, especially if you can empathize and contribute on what they're sharing. Some jobs, you really can't just keep to yourself or show any signs of neuroticism. I've found when it comes to ruined first-impressions, only the most open-minded, kindhearted, and amiable people will give you a second chance. I showed a lot of "weakness" in this one blue-collar job and I was basically ran out because I knew my coworkers weren't going to "waste" their time helping/training me. It's a shame because I was really passionate about the industry and job. I was even asked to reconsider from the HR member who hired me and the global safety director engineer, the only people who I felt really saw my potential/who I was, but I was forced to ignore them because there was no way I could of told them, "uh, yeah, I quit because most of my coworkers dislike me and don't want to bother helping me, and my brown-nosed trainer who has enormous amounts of social leverage who was so supportive if me, has now joined them in talking shit behind my back and is reluctant in helping me. Look at me! I'm the workplace pariah already!" So I stuck with: "emergency health issues" I can't remember the last time I felt so powerless but maybe it was for the best. Ha...ha
>>2226 It's crazy how much in life is down to the luck of meeting the right people.
>>2213 2210 here. Thanks a lot, mage! I'll definitely look into all of this.
>>2199 My thoughts exactly. The future of society looks bleak, but it's worthwhile to live in if one can get by without too much of a struggle. Though I will say that "nonproductivity is toxic" is too broad. In my view, while some productivity is essential to prevent one's self from decaying, too much "hard work" is even worse than laziness. What is the point of constantly treating the present as a means to an end? I made that mistake when I pushed myself and realized that the ambitious mentality I formed in the process made me not even get what I wanted at the end when I started to lose my drive and became aware of what I was chasing. It becomes a cycle of ambition that one has to get off sooner or later unless one wants to be stuck in it, forever neglecting the present moment. Many top elites probably have a worse quality of life than loners working solitary jobs because they chose the path of ambition.
>>2230 You don't get to be "the Great" of anything focusing on quality of life. Not even a great mage or wizard.
80 lb of sand in a hiking backpack. 1300 total steps on stairs. I didn't remove it for rest between sets, standing and walking around a bit, maybe 400 total steps on flat ground. Afterward, I took it off and did a very small assortment of pull-ups, chin-ups, and push-ups, for a combined total of 72. >Sunday morning 156, 78, 78 >Monday morning 156, 78, 78 >Tuesday morning 182, 78, 78 >Wednesday morning 182, 78, 78 I feel I could keep going, but that'll be all for this week to be safe. Taking it easy next week, to be extra safe. Turning 33.
>>2253 That's impressive! Are you used to doing those exercises?
>>2254 Somewhat. My dad noted that my breathing has become less heavy during exercise. Previously I had always kept each foot flat while raising the opposite leg. This time it was how I normally walk, propelling myself with each foot while raising the opposite leg, carrying the weight on the balls of my feet.
>>2256 That sounds crazy. Was this the first time you had a near-death experience? What were you doing when that happened? Also, why were you wearing a bunch of glass jewelry? I hope the experience didn't leave any lasting scars.
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I was sent a new cellphone (not smartphone) for free because they're discontinuing the less potent cancer waves and I guess my old cellphone can't process the newer, more potent cancer waves. It seems worse in every way and now the signal at home is 0-2 bars.
>>2264 I’ve always had bad phone connection and slow mobile internet wherever I’ve lived. Different networks, different places, different phones. I don’t really understand how people have good signal, maybe my hands are faraday cages.
>>2264 >>a new cellphone (not smartphone) That sucks, they at least sent me a budget refurbished smart phone Didn't use it though, it was riddled with spyware, hate cellphones anyways.
Found a black cat yesterday, no collar, sitting in a chair in my neighbor's backyard. She was nice. Their dogs started barking. I picked her up and she gently swiped at my face once but remained purring. I took her inside to try for a better look at a spot of matted fur near her ear. She wandered around the house and ate some food. She ignored the water. Before I could really check the spot she noticed my cat watching from afar and began growling, only pausing to hiss; my cat whining in refrain. I tried to calm her but she scratched my hand up good. I closed her in the room she had walked into and shooed my cat away. I brought the food and water outside, then came back for her. She scratched my hand a little more but was perfectly placid being carried back outside. She ate some more food and continued ignoring the water. I tried to pet her but she was having none of it and sauntered into a shrub. Visited her twice today with food and water. She ate and drank. The spot near her ear seems okay. Got some more scratches, this time because she was too excited and being playful. Not hopeful about taking her in after the reaction to my cat, but she could stay in the basement if she needs inside when it gets colder.
>>2267 I could have used the better camera, hate touchscreens though. I've been considering becoming more indifferent toward spyware. Either that or quitting technology altogether (the only winning move). Not that I'd ever fully embrace spyware. If I had one it would be stored in another room 99% of the time.
>>2268 Belongs to another neighbor. Negligent to let an outdoor cat appear to be a stray, but at least she won't risk freezing to death.
Ended up buying a used gpu to fix up a computer I salvaged from the trash. Thought I'd play games again if I had a computer that could, but I can't care enough to bother. I don't really care to do much anymore.
My phone got cut off completely because I didn't buy prepaid phone credit for three months and they claimed that they "deleted the number". I rang up to try to reconnect it and they lied and said they have never done that and that it has always been cut off after three months (it used to be six months and you could reconnect it with a new SIM). Well, not like I really used it, probably the most annoying thing is the places that lock you in to SMS verification. Guess it's a sign to try to minimise my footprint and get rid of as much of that stuff as I can.
>>2280 I ordered a new SIM and the package came without the SIM card. I guess someone stole it out of the envelope as it was partly unsealed. I shouldn't have even tried.
>>2277 Did you have any games in mind? And how did you just find a computer in the trash?
>>2282 >Did you have any games in mind? I didn't, only the notion of 3D games. I haven't gamed in a decade excepting some low-spec 2d/retro stuff, so I don't know anything bout modern games. Though since I made the previous post I did manage to play a recent game called "Stray". Liked it enough I managed to finish it. Since I've gotten older what I like now seems to be more casual games with interesting art, mechanics, or story. >And how did you just find a computer in the trash There was an event where old electronics and stuff (e-waste) were collected for disposal. People left them out by the curb, so I went around and scavenged stuff. A lot of them were broken or garbage, but some was repairable or partly working.
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>>2277 i know the feeling, i have a computer with a gtx 1080 for some months now. Highest end GPU I ever owned, and I played only one game from 2006 and then lost the motivation.
>>2290 >>2294 I also did the same, years ago. I upgraded my GPU and then only played GTA IV a few times (which was already 5 or 6 years old). I don't even have a desktop anymore that I could upgrade, I just lie in bed with a laptop that's too old and slow to play any games.
Here's one reason to have a beefy graphics card and hi-res screen: https://emulation.gametechwiki.com/index.php/CRT-Royale#System_Requirements
Sick late last year. Sick again now, but still got some exercise this week. >Tuesday 80 lb of sand for 208 steps on stairs. 2 pull-ups, 2 chin-ups, ~40 push-ups total. >Wednesday 80 lb of sand for 156 steps on stairs. 2 pull-ups, 2 chin-ups, ~40 push-ups total.
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I've been using Linux Mint for the last few years. I also have Windows 10 installed in my PC because I have to use Photoshop every now and then. To be honest, I give it a try to Linux Mint because I thought it would motivate me to take programming more seriously, but so far, it hasn't worked (that's my fault, obviously). It's a good OS, but I must admit that it's annoying to have to switch between Mint and W10 depending on what I have to do. I also have problems with my internet connection regularly when I'm in Mint, but I guess that's also my fault for not asking for help in their official forums. Personally, I would only recommend any Linux distribution to two types of people: programmers who want to explore more complex areas of computing, and the kind of casual users who just need a computer to write documents, use the Internet and maybe watch a movie or listen to music. Anyway, don't pay too much attention to me. I really don't know as much about these subjects as I should.
>>2310 I switched to linux exclusively around '16, for a mix of reasons, like paranoia about M$ spying on me, and the fact that windows was so bloated and all my hardware is ancient. I'm pretty happy with it so far. I run windows programs, mostly games, using wine, which while it's still pretty finicky works most of the time now as long as you are willing to use 3rd party tools like winetricks. If I really need to, sometimes I'll even just set up a windows VM and run things in that. Though not too common when there's broken or unexpected behavior, usually with an afternoon of googling I can fix it. As strange as it sounds I actually kind of like the occasional problem, since fixing it makes me feel like I'm a 1337 H4X0R who knows his way around a computer even though I'm nothing of the sort. That said, I agree with your recommendation. I'm mostly "The kind of casual user who just need a computer to write documents, use the Internet and maybe watch a movie or listen to music." I don't do any of the sorts of things people actually need windows for.
>>2311 >the fact that windows was so bloated and all my hardware is ancient I know what you mean. When I decided to install W10 on my PC, I not only looked for the most basic version but I also took the time to debloat it. From what I've read, Windows has a lot of useless features that negatively affect the performance of your PC and even your Internet connection. I tried to use Wine to run Photoshop, and while it worked, it was constantly buggy. However, I have read that it works quite well with all types of games, so possibly the problem is me and the program I want to use. I can't say personally because most of the games I've played lately have source codes or can be played with emulators. Anyway, rereading my previous post, I feel like I overreacted a bit. Despite the fact that I still have some problems with it, Linux Mint is a good distribution. It is easy to use and lightweight. In some ways, it reminds me of Windows when it wasn't so intrusive and demanding.
I'm extremely slow, every task takes much longer than the average person. Tasks become even longer while carrying 80 lb of sand, the more time passes the more difficult it is to use arms and fingers. One hour of preparing food makes 520 steps on stairs seem like carrying a backpack of air. My shoulders are very sore, maybe no more exercise this week. >>2310 I thought it would motivate me to study programming too, but there isn't anything I have a strong desire to make, plus I didn't get far in math, didn't even finish high school. I'll stick to drawing, it's hard enough, and not go in a hundred different directions trying to find purpose in life.
>>2313 >My shoulders are very sore, maybe no more exercise this week I don't know anything about fitness, but I think you should take a break and find a less intense exercise routine, at least until you recover. >I'll stick to drawing Funnily enough, I also ended up focusing on drawing instead of programming after installing Linux Mint. In my case, this makes me feel guilty because I'm trying to get a degree in Computer Engineering, but I'm not really passionate about that. Also, I understand what you mean. Computer science has so many branches and each one of them is constantly growing. It's hard to know what to do when faced with such a scenario, especially when you have no real passion for programming.
>>2314 >I think you should take a break and find a less intense exercise routine, at least until you recover. Feels okay now, but you're right, I'll be careful this week. Today I did steps on stairs: 156 at 130 lb (80 back and 25 per hand), 156 at 80 lb, 156 at 50 lb (25 per hand) before lunch. Proper weights would probably be kinder to my grip, but I'm using what's available (unopened boxes of cat litter). I was going to do the same before dinner, but won't, will rest tomorrow, and see how I feel Tuesday. Good thing I checked back here before being stupid. >I'm trying to get a degree in Computer Engineering, but I'm not really passionate about that. You wouldn't be the first person to switch, not that I have any idea for a better degree. You wouldn't be the first person to get a degree and pursue an unrelated career. Not knowing how far along you've gotten, and with no life experience, I have no wisdom to offer you. Unless I become good at drawing, socialize on garbage like twitter or discord, and luck into a modest following, my future is manual labor, homeless, or suicide. I could've started out a drawfag very early on 4chan, but wasted my time not drawing.
>>2315 How long have you been exercising and have you noticed good results so far? I must admit that I have noticed that every so often you post your progress, which makes me think that you are taking this quite seriously. I must admit that I am a little envious. I constantly come across people on the internet who talk about the benefits of exercising and I bet what they say is true. >You wouldn't be the first person to switch I'm afraid it's a little late for that. I'm nearing the end of my degree, so I guess the best thing to do would be to keep working on that for another year. I make some money drawing, but it's really not that much. I don't know if I dedication or better social skills, but I can't find a way to earn as much money as other artists (anyway, I'm not that good at drawing, to be honest).
>>2316 >How long have you been exercising and have you noticed good results so far? I must admit that I have noticed that every so often you post your progress, which makes me think that you are taking this quite seriously. Hard to say, I should've written it down. Maybe started at 30 or 32 and I'll be 34 this year. Been taking it slow and fallen off more than a few times. My arms and legs are bigger, somewhat defined. I've gained weight, eat larger portions, but my belly may have shrunk a little because I think my navel isn't as deep. 5'8", 190 lb. Losing weight isn't my goal. Gaining strength and endurance is my goal. Provided I haven't went too long without exercise, I don't pull my leg muscle stretching in bed. That used to happen often, occasionally multiple times if the first wasn't bad enough to fully wake me up, and be limping for days after. It still happens if I cough very hard while seated. My ankle locks up occasionally, has happened on the stairs while carrying weight, but I can recover my footing now, whereas in the past it caused me to kick a chair and break my toe. I would say I'm on the brink of serious, getting proper weights and doing some real heavy lifting will be taking it seriously. >I must admit that I am a little envious. I constantly come across people on the internet who talk about the benefits of exercising and I bet what they say is true. Stop being envious and start doing. Any small amount puts you ahead of where you were previously. It's much easier than programming and drawing, and takes little time to exhaust your muscles. I'm still depressed and low energy. Maybe less so, maybe not, but at least I'm stronger. Humans are very weak and inefficient. Without inventions, which most of us (myself included) don't deeply understand, we're inferior to all other animals because we exist with the bare minimum of physicality and zero primitive knowledge. You don't have to become a strongman, just fight off frailty. For too long I neglected my mind and my body. >I'm afraid it's a little late for that. I'm nearing the end of my degree, so I guess the best thing to do would be to keep working on that for another year. I make some money drawing, but it's really not that much. Then don't worry about passion and don't doubt yourself. That's great. You can focus on programming while drawing on the side, and if you ever hit it big switch focus to drawing, or combine them and do visual novels or games. They're good complimentary skills. You don't have to make the next big thing, maybe you will, but one moderate success could snowball into a series of modest successes and a comfortable, happy life. >I don't know if I dedication or better social skills, but I can't find a way to earn as much money as other artists (anyway, I'm not that good at drawing, to be honest). I pay less attention to online art circles than in the past, but browsing 4chan archives I've seen mentioned some popular twitter artists with drawings that range from shit to meh. Dedication, socialization, pandering, shilling, trend chasing, quantity over quality (within reason). The biggest ingredient is luck. Most people won't admit the importance of luck because they think it diminishes the hard work required to develop skill. "I got to where I am entirely by my own willpower." Not my thing, but an artist making loads of vtuber fanart before it exploded in popularity would've been likely to catch that wave and be propelled to popularity himself. It's luck to get in before. It's luck to stand out after. It's luck to be noticed by or befriend someone already popular willing to actually try using his success to help you succeed.
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I did something terriblly stupid today. Since my sister had to got to work and my niece accompanied my mother to dialysis, I was home alone with our dog and cat. I had breakfast, washed some dishes, cleaned some things and ironed some clothes. After that, I decided to take a bath and shave. While I was shaving, I heard something, but since my dog didn't react to the noise, I assumed it was my imagination. Soon after, I heard another noise, so I decided to go investigate. That's when I saw a thief coming from my older sister's room. It was a tanned man between 45 and 50 years old, relatively well-dressed; he looked nervous. To be honest, I didn't know how to react; I was shirtless, without my glasses and with shaving cream on my face. He told me that he didn't steal anything and that he just wanted something to feed his children. That's when I did the stupidest thing I could do: I went to get some bread for the guy. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I thought it was better to please him in case he was crazy? When I returned with some bread, I saw how he escaped through a window using a wire as a rope. For some reason, I threw him the bread to take it. He thanked me on his knees. I looked at the rooms where he was and found a big mess. Luckily, it seems that the only thing he stole were some eggs. I told my family about it and they took it well, but I bet this only gives them more reason to see me as a child. Anyway, I can't deny that I didn't act as I should have.
>>2329 It seems really silly but I imagine I would probably do the same sort of thing. Just don't have the right reactions to things. At least you didn't get hurt or anything.
>At least you didn't get hurt or anything That's what my family said. To be honest, at first I felt like they were treating me like a little kid, but now I understand that this is the natural reaction to a robbery. By the way, the thief didn't just take some eggs. My older sister went through her room and didn't find her jewelry box, where her jewelry and her daughter's jewelry were. I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel bad.
>>2331 I guess thieves have to be quite crafty and able to prey on people's goodwill to get by. Having some dumb story about only looking for food might work well-enough on well-meaning people to let him escape. I don't really know what to say about feeling like you're being treated like a kid because I often feel the same way, and not just from my family. I think there is just something missing and people can somehow automatically tell that I'm incapable of taking the lead on anything.
It's already getting hot here. It sucks. I'm no good with heat.
I've been trying to get into metal again, but I often have trouble differentiating one song from another. And I'm not even listening to some particularly weird or extreme band, but Sodom. Maybe I'm just not paying enough attention. >>2335 That's a really nice image. I thought it was a photo at first, but when I zoomed in on it, I could see that it was a digital illustration. And I agree with you, it sucks when the hot season starts. It's been hot here lately, but not as hot as it was a few months ago.
I found out somewhat recently that my brother is getting into tranny stuff and by now there is probably nothing I can do about it. I feel like a complete failure as a brother (maybe I already was but this makes it feel worse). I do not know what I will do if he starts crossdressing or something. I am also just scared to talk to him about it because it seems that it is so ingrained in his friend groups and all of that, online and offline, that if I tried to pull him away from it my efforts would backfire and just make him retreat further into it. He is one of the few people I care about in this world, I was a fool for not being more protective of him, or something. I wish I could have kept him off the internet.
>>2348 I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. However, are you sure your brother is getting into these things, or just supporting them? Many young people support such minorities without being part of them. I don't feel comfortable giving advice because my situation is very different (I am my mother's youngest child, and the closest thing I have to a younger brother are my nieces and nephews), but what I would do is spend time with him doing activities that foster his masculinity. However, I'm afraid we all have to take our own paths at some point in our lives.
>>2349 It's pretty obvious looking through his social media accounts that he's actually into it, rather than just supporting it. Not only that but he ended up coming out to our mother after I uncovered his online stuff, so idk if there's any coming back from that. At the end of the day he is old enough that I can't properly have a say in it, he is technically an adult now even if he doesn't act like one. From what I have found and from pieces I have put together though, it started through online sexual roleplaying groups when he was a young teenager, 13-14 or so. Like I said at this point there is probably nothing I can do, really I'm just venting about it. It's pretty clear to me too that he isn't even really a transgender if you can call such mental illness "real", he doesn't really act in a feminine manner ever. he's actually pretty masculine in the way that he interacts with people, he's just kind of a typical autistic gamer kid so he ended up in the wrong discord groups and now he's publicly/openly talking about perverted stuff online. I just hope he doesn't do anything permanent and that one day this sort of stuff passes and he manages to somehow put it behind him, it probably won't but I feel like that's all I can really hope for at this point even if it's extremely unlikely.
>>2350 If it makes you feel better, there can always be a coming back from all this as long as he doesn't undergo any permanent changes, and fortunately, no one makes such a big decision overnight. I doubt that your brother will change his body in the near future. It's a real shame that he has dealt with those kinds of influences since his early teens but nothing can be done about it now. However, I'm glad to hear that you think he's not actually a transgender. Like you said, if he were one, he would try to talk and behave in a feminine way, and he seems to be doing exactly the opposite. I really don't know much about the subject, but from what little I've seen, being a true transgender, with all the bodily and mental changes it involves, is very difficult and unpleasant. Not only that, it also requires a lot of time and even money. I hope your brother will someday understand all that and realize that the whole process is not worth it.
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My mother took money from me a few days ago to buy me a new smart phone. I know she did this because she feels guilty that I spent all my money on her and the rest of my family, but I still felt very upset when she gave it to me. Not only do I always feel like I need more money than I make to pay for our food and her medical treatments, but I also hate cell phones in general, possibly because I always associate them with work and study, two things that always ruin my day. Anyway, the damage is already done and maybe I should be happy that my mother thinks so much of me instead. Funnily enough, I bought my first smart phone thinking it was for my mother, so this is the second time I've bought one of these things against my will. On the other hand, maybe this is the opportunity to make one of those homemade VR headsets I've seen on the internet.
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I don't know how much detail it makes sense to go into, feels like any details I could give would be pretty personal stuff and too revealing about myself, in a lack of anonymity sort of way. I still want to complain though so I'll just be completely abstract about it. Anyways I just found out that due to a lot of financial stuff, things I had planned to do are probably going to be impossible. A big part of it is that I let someone else take responsibility for ensuring that things worked out, because that was what seemed most appropriate assuming the goal was to work together. At first I thought he was just incompetent but after digging in to it, it seems like he might have just wanted to pull out of the plans we had set up, but didn't want to tell me about it. Now I am stuck with having no time to figure out a backup plan, because I stupidly thought that he was just as reliant on this working as I was. Turns out is just fine with burning his goddamn money like a fucking retard. At the end of the day it didn't matter anyways if he wanted to cut me off or not, because it turns out that it would have been impossible anyways (which I would know if he was doing what he said he was doing and actually trying to prepare things). Serves me right for trying to work with a goddamn rat fuck normalfaggot piece of filth. Serves me right for trying to go out into the world and improve things for myself. I should have known I am meant to rot in my room until I die. FUCK I haven't felt anger like this since I was a teenager jesus fucking christ.
An update to this: >>1706. I finally got to the end of the book. It only took two years and starting anew three or four times (only to quietly give up halfway through the book). But in the end it was really very good and a pleasant way to pass the time.
Everyone made an effort to post more after the talk in the pinned thread. I wasn't up to doing the same. Sorry.
>>2390 Don't worry. From what I've seen these past few years, this board always has a small spike in activity every so often, I guess none of us have much to say. By the way, I found that first video almost hypnotic. There is something about the way the water looks that is almost surreal.
I've been dealing with tremendous brainfog the last years, my ability to communicate my thoughts and have normal, fluid chats is nearly non existent. Being ESL has something to do with it, but it happens in my native language as well. More than being ignorant in either language, I'm afraid it's simply the effects of prolonged isolation. I talk to nobody, I know no one, I do nothing other than stress and worry about things that are ultimately beyond my control. I tell myself that I can endure the pain of loneliness but my mind and brain betray me by having dreams of really old classmates or anime girls, it's obvious it's my subconscious crying in pain trying to fill the void with whatever it can lest I go insane. My room is a mess, I decided enough was enough and made some deep cleaning and renovation. I'm not finished yet but hopefully I will before November. It took me a long time to separate and take out the trash. It paid off though, literally, because I found some old vidya I sold on ebay and marketplace, and with the money I put together a new (used, heh) mid range Skylake workstation, I have yet to find a suitable graphics card for it though (aiming for a used gtx 1650) And I still have to update my ancient laptop to W10 or W11. It's really old, but still good enough for basic use. All this makes me wonder, where did time go? It's something I see others express concern about, that the whole covid/lockdown years feeling like a fever dream. That's exactly how I feel, it's like I'm picking up my life right where I left it during '19 Q4 and '20 Q1, which for me was a double whammy because that's when I was putting myself back together after experiencing deep depression and some sort of mild derealiztion during '14 - '17. Basically I feel stuck in 2012. I've barely kept up with my media backlog, I'm so out of the loop in basically all aspects that I feel a bit alienated amongst anons too (eagerly awaiting new Madoka movie tho) So things are kind of normalizing, mentally at least. I've been chronically sick for almost 2 years now. I will not get into theories, all I know is most other people, of all ages incomes and fitness levels seem to have some sort of illness going on too. That matters to me because depending on what is causing that, I may just throw in the towel and become even more reclusive that I was, stop looking for a job and just wait for death. My plan was quitting imageboards, or really any sort of distraction or parasocial or make-believe friends or community. My logic was it'd force me to seek the real thing instead. Needless to say it didn't work. Quite the contrary, my decaying health plus the total isolation made me deeply contemplate death. Made me realize I have almost no attachments, so the thought of death, with my chest pains and pulsating tinnitus was constant. Listening my own blood swooshing around my head with each heartbeat. Scary. The imageboards I once knew long abandoned or their population visibly changed. The world around us quickly changing, while I remain paralyzed by anxiety/fatigue and well on my way towards an early death. Unequipped to deal with facing both my rapidly approaching mortality, and the absurd meaninglessness that is staying alive just because I'm afraid of pulling the trigger. I don't know, I barely vent post. Each time I did I ended up feeling a bit worse than before, but I also know very well bottling things up is a very bad idea. Speaking of which, I was forced to reconnect with one of my aunts, who I'm not exactly fond of because reasons. I ended up saying a bit more than I'd have wanted to, and learning more than I needed. Turns out suicide runs in my family ain't that friggin awesome? It's almost like God is telling me what ya waiting for anon? Ah damn. Wish I could forget she said that. And I hate depending on others. Anyway, I still fondly remember the wizardchan of the past, and magicchan. I never posted much, because I just had nothing to share, this fever dream like feeling actually started around the mid '10s for me when one of my parents passed away unexpectedly but not really, shortly after I dropped out of college and realized I was not meant to be normal or have friends and that even a humble life of stocking shelves at nightshifts would be harder to attain than initially thought. And then, well, whole covid and basically realizing there is a real chance my will be absolute fucking shit forever, that I will never move out, or have friends. I hope not, but prospects are not looking good. During the last year and in an effort to improve my fatigue I tried delving into nutrition as deep as I could. I've been experimenting with some supps, but no noots because I am poor. I genuinely think I've been living with moderate undiagnosed adhd, how else could things get this bad? How else could I have procrastinated so many things for so long? How come megadosing some b vitamins and other stuff is what partly got me out of the rumination/scrolling/hoarding hellish cycle I've been fighting so hard to get out of? Hopefully as I learn more I will be able to join the workforce again. Anons always advise to just start doing something, but sometimes a lifetime of poor habits, spiritual malaise, rejection, poverty, scatterbrain, hoarding and all that is bad for getting things done makes it really, really hard to keep it up. Guess "clean your room", literally, was the best advice all along. My new computer should be arriving next week or so, I wanted to get a dremel too and make another desk for it, and another smaller desk to finally get on with my board repair program I've been putting off for almost ten years. I follow every now and then a very popular electronics technician, in one of his latest videos he talks about how the industry has changed since he started, and how he feels it'd be impossible for newbies to make it big like he did. All this makes me feel as if we're entering an era where any sort of mobility has become impossible, not social, financial nor professional. The guys at the top entered a matthews effect loop where the wonders of techonology make them exponentially richer/smarter/well-connected, and those at the bottom are left just scraps if lucky at all. That is something I'm sure has a lot to do with the percieved decay of imageboards.. I'm so late to the game, but it is what it is. Who the fuck am I right? Nothing. Nobody. No skills. Zero friends. Zero money. All the low hanging fruit has been taken, and all solid friend groups are closed off. Right now I just wish I had a friend, but I'm old and dumb, yet I haven't given up. Thanks for reading and thanks to modmin for maintaining this place. Goodnight anony.
>>2378 I just lost $1000 like a fucking retard.
>>2393 I'm sorry to hear about your situation, mage. I live with my family, so I am rarely really alone, but I have also experienced brainfog lately. Sometimes I think it is due to my age, but I am aware that there are people much older than me who have agile and inquisitive minds. I fear that in the end we really are social animals and need to have conversations from time to time in order not to lose some of our innate abilities. Possibly there are many people who can cope well with complete solitude, but possibly they are the exception that proves the rule. I'm glad to hear that you took the time to clean your home. I don't know why, but cleaning up your surroundings has quite a nice effect. Not only does it make your home a little more pleasant, but it also helps you remember what's around you and why it's there. The best part is that you managed to improve your PC in the process. I've been wanting to do that for a while now, but don't have the money to do it. Reading some posts on different IBs, I notice that the pandemic hit several people pretty hard. On the other hand, I understand what you mean by feeling stuck in the past. To some extent, I feel the same way. I have had the same aspirations, dreams, obligations and interests for years. In my case, I think I live trapped in that time because I haven't made time to take care of those pending issues. Why do you think this happens to you? It's a real shame that you have to deal with your illness. I guess you are right that we all suffer from some illness to a greater or lesser extent. You're not the first person I've heard say they want to leave the internet to rejoin the real world. In fact, the idea has crossed my mind a couple of times. Unfortunately, I think that when it comes to very extreme cases, this is impossible, although it might be more fruitful to try to do it in small steps. Anyway, getting a job and a good social life is not easy at all. Even ordinary people suffer a lot trying, but at least they have the social pressures of their daily lives to motivate them. It's hard to find a good reason to keep up the fight that doesn't collapse when calmly overanalyzed. It's really unpleasant when you find out that your close relatives also suffer from the same problems as you. It makes you feel that you are predisposed to go down that path. I wonder if people think about these things when they are about to have children. I imagine some people try to be positive about this kind of situation. Maybe they think it just means that they are not alone in their struggle and that every generation is an opportunity to find a solution to the problem. However, you have to be a very optimistic person to see the world that way. I think I understand what you mean. For a time in my life, I felt like everything was too fucked up to justify trying my best to change things. It was as if I was faced with a machine that was so broken that the only option was to throw it in the trash and pretend it never existed. However, sometimes you find some energy in the little things. Cleaning your home brought you good things, which is a good start. What you comment about that popular electronic technician has crossed my mind more than once. It feels like the world has become too big and demanding to give the less gifted a chance. I even think artificial intelligences will make that situation even worse. I guess the only way for people in high places to have new and better possibilities is to take them away from ordinary people. This hurts me because I feel like a novice even in those subjects that genuinely interest me. To be honest, I've been wanting to respond to your post ever since I first came across it, but I've been postponing it because I couldn't think of anything valuable to say. I know it's not worth much, but I really wish you the best, mage. I hope you get relief from all those bad things that are affecting you soon. >>2397 That sounds terrible. Are you comfortable telling us what happened?
I just got done reading some posts on here I made 3-4 years ago. I erased them from my memory but recognize them immediately when I started reading them. It's weird how the internet can function as a sort of a time machine in a way. Sometime I wish I had a way to look at all my activities I used to to when I was younger, let's say pre-2010 era just for the fun of it, it would be really cool to look back at a completely different version of me. Music in his way has the same effect. I always tie experiences to music so whenever I hear a song the moment in my life I first heard it usually pops into my head.
>>2399 > Music in his way has the same effect. I always tie experiences to music so whenever I hear a song the moment in my life I first heard it usually pops into my head. I have this with video games, this is the reason why I play a few games again, again and again. When it comes to music I am straightforward awful. The OST from video games and anime is all I know. Still they remind me of the time I played/watched it for the first time as well.
>>2399 Some time ago I used the Wayback Machine to visit an old forum I used to frequent. Some of my old post made me feel a little embarrassed, but it was a nice exprience anyway. I couldn't help but wonder whar all that people were doing now. Speaking of which, the other day I had to accompany my family to our hometown to do some stuff. It had been years since I had taken a long car trip, let alone to that town. I felt a little nostalgic, to be honest. >>2400 I know what you mean. There's a few video games from my childhood I like to replay every now and then.
>>2398 I don't want to go into it, but thanks for asking. >>2399 >>2400 I hardly ever listened to music or played video games. Can you imagine that?
>>2403 No, I can't. Video games have been a part of my life since I can think back. I rarely listen to music though, usually only when I am too tired to actively do something. Anyway, how do you spend your time then? I also read a lot as a child. because my parents restricted my gaming.
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Something tragic happened today. My older brother's third child died just a few days after birth. We are all very sad, especially my brother and his wife, obviously. However, something my mother said got me thinking. She also lost her third child a few days after he was born. Both children were born on the 23rd and died on the 27th. Not only that, they both shared the same name (my father's name). Of course, this is all just a huge coincidence, but it's still sadly ironic. Anyway, I hope my brother and his family recover from this loss soon.

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