Lately I've come to terms with my aging self and the kind of BS that comes with it. I just turned 27 and I've recently been more aware of the kind of expectations/treatment people might have towards a man my age. Like, prior to me being 23, I never understood why someone would be so hesitant/insecure to be honest or share their age. But the last three years or so, I've noticed peoples' disposition would change after revealing my age(I look much younger than I am, consistently surprising people of all ages/attractiveness/gender)
I don't doubt it has alot more to do with my height and my parents genetics(they were both fairly attractive until about the age 25), but since around the age of around 19, I've been youthmaxxing(before it was even a term). During my late teens, I developed noticeable acne/scars that only worsened my already hopeless Social Anxiety and Depression at that time. I distinctly remember being so neurotic, anytime I mustered the courage to leave the house, I would make a spectacle of myself or complete strangers would treat me unbelievably poorly.
It was so bad, I really wished something like Google-glass or camera-glasses were an affordable thing for an unemployable HikikiNEET at the time, since people really had a hard time believing just how bad people will treat if you carry yourself as badly as I did(mostly redditors with their just-world crap and survivorship bias)
After a failed suicide-attempt at 19, I figured for whatever reason, I was stuck here for the long-haul, so I made the biggest push for self-improvement I ever made up until that point in my life. I ate better, I downloaded depression/anxiety worksheets and therapy tapes, I forced myself to drink water and only water despite hating it, went to the park or had these long-ass nighttreks that looking back, I'm surprised I wasn't kidnapped for my organs since I was listening to music at 12AM-4AM.
Little-later(6months-1year later) my acne gradually went away on its own(no treatments worked, it just went away) and I was still stuck with the scars/pigmentation. So to lessen their appearance I got into microneedling, sunscreen, and limiting sun exposure. Later learned the same things were greatly beneficial for anti-aging and just went "fuck it" having gotten used to the smell of sunscreen and microneedling procedures, so I stuck with them to this day, since somehow, I knew then i would be reaching milestones much later in life than your average person(job, driving,etc,.)
Anyway, so I'm a good deal older now and I understand people are a lot less tolerant of older men who don't come across as "put-together" or mature. It's been something I've worried about more than ever now, at this age, people are a lot less patient with you in general(coworkers expect more and less willing to train, your inexperience makes connecting with people much more difficult,etc,.) and MUCH LESS forgiving to social faux pas. I just hope I can develop myself in time to better mask-in, before the agecreep really starts coming on me.
To clarify, I'm not gunning for being "normie" or relationships. It's just when you've been treated so poorly, it's enough of a fuel to make sure that DOESN'T happen again.
Sometime last year, male-pattern baldness creeped on me and I didn't notice until the very end of the year. Thankfully, I was able to reverse most of it, but yeah, my hairline is never going to be as good as it was as a teenager. As a norwood 1.5, I implore you guys to regularly check your temples and crown if you have a habit of growing out your hair or not cutting it at all. I was in disbelief with how it just creeped up on me, only noticing the recession when I put pulled my hair back at the temples.
Really didn't mean for this to come out longer as it did, but I felt the context was necessary and maybe a younger lurker could get something out of it as I did, regularly browsing wizchan and later magicchan 18-24. Don't really post on these type of boards, since at this point, brooding/self-pitying is completely ineffectual for me and if things are that bad for me again, it is more sensible I use one of my older relatives ID, buy the latest peaceful pill handbook, order nembutal from their sources, have it delivered, buy some chocolate, and just trek through a nice secluded trail, sit there, and do myself in.