Sorry. I'll try to never again make a post.
There is something inside me, I can be free in a way other people can't imagine, but I have been dragged down my whole life by things that should be unimportant, that shouldn't matter. Something went wrong in my life, I know it's not my fault but that doesn't change the fact I failed. I just wanted to do what I was supposed to do. I can't explain this, it's impossible to communicate, but I can see really, really nice dreams, and I wanted to explore them and show them. I just love dreaming, imagining, creating, thinking, I can do so every moment of my day and every day. This doesn't make any sense, it's the kind of thing that could only make sense through actions and works, but I'll never get to do so, so I have to try explaining it in words, but it's impossible. It's just that there are things I enjoy learning about, and things I wanted to try, but I'll never be allowed to. I wanted to show what I'm like, I wanted to be myself, but I'll never be allowed to. I just wanted to get into math and cs, or drawing, or music, at a very young age and dedicate every instant of my life to that just one thing. I wish I could go back to nursery school and get into mathematics back then. There's something very wrong with my brain, I'm very bad at certain things, but somehow I really enjoy other certain things in a way normal people can't enjoy, so I wanted to be free, and dedicate myself to something important, that only I could do. And even if I'm bad at everything and have no real skills, I still at least enjoy learning and trying, and could keep trying my whole life. But this life was a prison, I just never got to pursue my dreams. It's too late now, I'm not going to make it, I'm stabilizing my mental situation and trying to sort out my life but it's too late, my world is falling apart and there's nothing I can do. I don't know, it hurts, no matter how many times I try, I can't convey this. It's just that I feel I never got to be myself, like I was supposed to show what I really am, but I never got a chance like everyone else. Like something went very wrong. Like God abandoned me. I just wanted to be free, I wanted to try, I wanted to be myself, but everything went wrong, it's like I never existed, as if I was never born in the first place. I just wanted to be free and be myself. I feel like in an invisible cage, hitting my fist on the wall and screaming, but no one can see or hear me. And I feel like if I could break out of this cage, I would be the happiest person on the planet, and I could share my happiness with many people and make them happy too. But that won't happen. I'll just die here. It really hurts. I can't explain what's going on. I keep trying to but I can't. It's a horrible feeling. I want my spirit to be free but I'll always be confined. I feel like my life was supposed to be different but something went wrong and now I'll die like I never existed. Sorry for having made so many posts. I know I'm not welcome on this or any imageboard. But I felt like I had to say something. I'll never be free and I'll never get to live my life, I was born in a prison, so I wanted to at least leave a note that I existed, even though I still couldn't communicate what I am, what were my dreams and objectives, and what I could have done. Sorry. It sucks, I can't communicate what I feel, I just wanted to learn a lot and make a lot of things, I wanted to see how far I could go, I wanted to develop and achieve my full potential, I wanted to live in my own world and explore it fully. It really hurts. I tried to communicate but I can't anymore, I always end up making the same post, it's impossible to convey what I really mean. I'll just endure whatever's left of my prison life all alone.