/sw/ - Star Wars

Star Wars and fuck Disney

SAVE THIS FILE: Anon.cafe Fallback File v1.1 (updated 2021-12-13)

Want your event posted here? Requests accepted in this /meta/ thread.

Max message length: 20000

Drag files to upload or
click here to select them

Maximum 5 files / Maximum size: 20.00 MB

Board Rules

(used to delete files and postings)

Open file (1.25 MB 2000x1333 2135468779.jpg)
Open file (1.88 MB 2000x995 789456454612.jpg)
Open file (2.13 MB 2000x1333 image.jpg)
Open file (2.20 MB 2000x995 789446565432.jpg)
Open file (3.89 MB 2000x1333 64513298798.jpg)
The Kenobi Show! Stormtrooper 03/09/2022 (Wed) 18:38:19 No.5961
>What kind of Obi-Wan Kenobi will we meet in Obi-Wan Kenobi? Says star Ewan McGregor: "We find Obi-Wan at the beginning of our story rather broken, and faithless, and beaten, somewhat given up." >Kenobi is getting the TLJ treatment. >As the force-sensitive Inquisitor Reva, Moses Ingram will prove a formidable new foe as she seeks out Jedi-in-hiding for the Empire. Director Deborah Chow and writer Joby Harold describe the character as ruthlessly ambitious. >AYO! >McGregor's Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Master Jedi and a master of decluttering, as evidenced by his sparse dwelling on Tatooine, where he has set up shop to watch over a young Luke Skywalker. >"They share a common dark-side goal," Ingram says about the villainous trio of Reva, the Grand Inquisitor, and Darth Vader. "They're on the same team." As for what stands out most to Ingram about her big bad: "It's all heart." >We all know how Obi-Wan feels about flying. This Jedi prefers to travel by more primitive means (like this eopie) whenever possible. Flying is for droids, it doesn't mean he doesn't like using spaceships/speeders you fucking niggers >Joel Edgerton is back as Uncle Owen… and we don't necessarily like his odds in a face-off with Reva. (But as a wise smuggler once noted, never tell me the odds.) "Thank you, George, for casting Joel Edgerton as Uncle Owen," laughs director Deborah Chow. "That's all I can say." >McGregor is all cloaked up again as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he's got places to go... like the new planet of Daiyu, which "sort of has a Hong Kong feel to it," says writer Joby Harold. "It's got a graffiti-ridden nightlife, and is kind of edgy. It's just got a different lane and a different feeling." WEW! AND HERE WE GO!
Open file (16.43 MB 640x360 Kenobi 4 part01.webm)
>princess lea is captured and interrogated >there is a relantionship with her and kenobi and the fucking rebelion >she will still turn into a senator, because for some reason the empire will not execute her ass >sad tusken story >military installation doesn't have shield because "Nobody would dare to attack it" >Installation has Tie Fighters at the ready, remember about this little detail You thinking that vader fighting kenobi before A New Hope was retarded, oh boy, just you wait!
Open file (16.77 MB 640x360 Kenobi 4 part02.webm)
>Non-white traitor strong independent bullies white guy >Goes to a room full of people work, sits infront of a console next to a tusken and talks to a communicator and helps kenobi enter the facility >nobody notices >Lea proves she is a strong independent little girl and puts the niggress in her place, you go girl! >Non-white traitor is spotted and taken behind some columns by a guy, she later beats the shit out of him in a room full of people >nobody notices >Lea is sent to the Disney's (((executive))) office This is what happens when you hire non-whites in your army.
Open file (17.40 MB 640x360 Kenobi 4 part03.webm)
>Military facility is a tomb for the jedi, thay are preserve in their cloths for some reason >The youngling with his hat is the top 10 most retarded scenes in the show >Non-white independent womyn goes against the niggress >She let the fucking communicator ON, while getting interrogated by the tusken >Underwater facility doesn't have windows strong against blasters >Underwater facility doesn't have doors that could stop a flooding This is so tiresome.
Open file (14.81 MB 640x360 Kenobi 4 part04.webm)
Open file (121.29 KB 1280x720 mpv-shot0001.jpg)
Open file (123.88 KB 1280x720 mpv-shot0002.jpg)
>Kenobi walks around in a coat and a hat with Lea hidding under his coat, while there is an alert >Nobody notice >They are walking into empty space and not to her ship >Nigress notice them and calls to them >PEOPLE ARE STILL WALKING AROUND THEM >I repeat, stormtrooper are pointing their blasters at them and people are still walking around them minding their own business >Not-Snowspeeders attack the facility at full speed, they somehow not crash at the door and somehow the base didn't detect them >Niggress runs to kill kenobi, but doesn't catch him... again >Not-snowspeeder hovers to distract the tusken and somehow its blaster canon shots can go at ANY direction, also its tiny as fuck >They escape >Nobody chases after them, not even the TIE Fighters And so Lea was saved again by a Jedi and rebels, I hope Alderaan doesn't get nuked.
>>6134 >the "people" being paid to write for [brand] have little to no knowledge of [brand] and are too stupid/lazy to even bother looking up information or asking someone that knows I'm truly shocked that the thing everyone with an IQ above a single digit already knew turned out to be true. >>6135 >>6136 >>6137 >>6138 >u-um the diverse good girls win b-because umm.... oh right the evil white men are just so stupid they can't do anything right! There are probably SW porn parodies out there that are better written and more faithful to the source material then (((disney))) trash holy fucking shit.
>>6138 >I let them go >I put a tracker on their ship Fucking lmao, so Vader's plan in ANH was actually just him copying a nigress's idea? Explains why Leia recognized it, at least.
Open file (35.95 KB 480x360 879237489237.jpg)
So what do you think? Is the tusken going to die at the end or have a change of heart at the last second with no build up and travel the galaxy being a gud girl dat din nufin rong? >>6140 Das rit! The white man stole from the blacks! Is even more hilarious when the inquisitor protest her retarded idea, because the base was almost destroyed and she responds "Kenobi is all that matters." So why let him go? Why risk it? The not-rebels are nothing compared to Kenobi.
>>6143 It's absolutely going to be that she wuz a gud gurl who dindu nuffin and it wuz da evil huwite empire dat made her do eet.
Star Wars Story Group Member Attempts To Justify Obi-Wan Kenobi Not Knowing Darth Vader Is Alive In Obi-Wan Kenobi Disney+ Show, Accuses Critics Of Lying https://archive.md/V1wiv The gift that gives on giving, Beaner Hidalgo is doubling down.
Not gonna watch disneyshit but they mentioned my nigga Quinlan Vos in the show and I can't take this shit anymore, they better not destroy my favorite character.
>>6161 Didn't his whole character got destroyed in The Clone Wars Show?
>>6134 >>6152 These articles mostly just seem like they're looking for a reason to shit on the show based on canon rather than actual quality. A single line from Obi-Wan in RotJ decades after Mustafar, long after he learned Vader had survived it even going by this new show, is not substantial proof that he knew all along. Especially in the context of a conversation with Luke about his family, where it'd make more sense to make it about his father, even if that were a distortion of their original motivations. Okay, sure, the intent at the time was not explicitly to hide them from Vader, but with the later revelation that Vader was alive, hiding them from the Emperor implies hiding them from Vader, so it works out exactly the same. And unlike the previous misleading wordings Obi-Wan had used with Luke when talking about his family, that's not a deception; that's just the normal way one would say it to simplify the matter and keep it relevant to the situation. And besides, even if the line did prove he knew, contradicting a distant line like that is the mildest of retcons, and one which, if the show were good, would be entirely worth it. There is no genuine complaint to be had here. >Does he know the moniker Vader? What would that mean? Can he associate the two? What was he cognizant of? How isolated is he? Where’s Vader at that time? Where’s his reputation and how well known is he? This is reasonable brainstorming. If I worked on the show I'd ask the same question out of diligence. I really have to wonder how many people reading this article and agreeing with its reaction, having a gut feeling of "yeah, of course he knew, right?", still needed to be reminded that the security footage scene was where it was proven. Assumptions like that are exactly the sort of thing someone working on the show is supposed to second-guess. The question was asked, it was answered, so both sides did the job they needed to do in that regard. This just seems like outrage-baiting to draw in dissatisfied fans without needing the effort of forming arguments of substance (and, perhaps, to give an angle that lets them avoid political criticisms of the show).
>>6163 Now that is the real autistic question, eh? Did Obi-wan knew Vader survived getting burned into a bacon. And they answer it in the most retarded way possible.
Open file (18.26 MB 1280x720 Kenobi 05 part 01.webm)
>Remember the prequels? You love the prequels right?
Open file (19.02 MB 1280x720 Kenobi 05 part 02.webm)
>shitty transport ships >Doesn't use an explosive to blow up the door >"Fire!" "Light'em up!" >"Give me a ladder" Little princess will fix a fucking door. >Diversity Hire traitor talks about her sad past >nuKenobi and tusken can whisper thru the blast door >Darth Vader doesn't kill a tusken, because it would be racist
Open file (19.25 MB 1280x720 Kenobi 05 part 03.webm)
>Why didn't you stop him, Why didn't you save us? >Kenobi was in another Planetary system escaping a big ass army of clones trying to kill him >Somehow Darth Vader recking the Jedi Temple is his fault >She can use her lightsaber to cut the door open, all that time "Blasting it" was wasted >Oh man, if they only placed the cannon infront of the door to blast them once the doors were open >Diversity hire traitor goes full alla snack bar It just gets better and better.
Open file (18.55 MB 1280x720 Kenobi 05 part 04.webm)
>nuKenobi will surrender and gives EVERYTHING to the least reliable diversity hire of the bunch >stormtroopers doesn't blast him the moment he opens the door >nuKenobi and tusken whisper again and nobody notices >he gets sent back into the facility with only TWO guards >never ending prequels flashbacks, trying to imply it has something do to with the present situation >nuKenobi escapes >little princess shit opens the hangar door >diversity hire drops the fucking communicator, gee I hope someone doesn't grab it to know the location of Luke >Darth Vader does a Force Unleashed moment, to stop a transport, but doesn't stop the other transport
Open file (15.30 MB 1280x720 Kenobi 05 part 05.webm)
>You are a great warrior, Anakin... a Padawan you will still be >See guys! He is still schooling Vader! So it will make sense in New Hope! >Vader doesn't relax around tuskens >Gee, why didn't she attack him when he was using the force to stop the transport? >Nigress tries to go full Hidden Tiger Crounching Dragon on Vader, it looks fucking awful >Vader doesn't kill the nigress >High Inquisitor doesn't kill the nigress >Nigress finds out about Luke In the next episode, Nigress will find Luke and take him to Vader, deleting the Original Trilogy. All those years, the normalfags were hoping for Disney to retcon the Sequel Trilogy, they will get a retcon alright.
Open file (998.78 KB 950x534 Choreography.mp4)
Apologies for the no sound.
Open file (704.52 KB 960x803 34534536.png)
>>6177 You wanted a higher version of that scene?
>>6178 It looks like they had no idea how effortless to make it look for Vader. The part where he's just throwing her around with the Force was mostly fine, if awkward, up until they went full retard with her lightsaber. (I haven't watched the show; does it turn into a helicopter regularly, or are all the Swiss Army functions stuff they first dumped in this very fight?) But the second part is confused and bizarre. He has her so overpowered that he must be just toying with her up until he disarms her. Makes sense. He decides to toy with her by splitting the lightsaber and tossing her one, mockingly implying a "fair" fight. Also makes sense. Then when he actually fights with the lightsaber, he makes a few awkward and ineffective swings as she rolls around in the dirt, then goes right back to just Forcing her and disarming her again. Makes absolutely no sense. What was the point? Why did he move to lightsabers to duel for a few seconds, and then immediately change his mind? Why was he so ineffective? If you're trying to show that Vader is so powerful he doesn't need to try despite the opponent giving her all, then you need to show that those low-effort swings are still so much that she can barely fend them off, instead of them being so low-effort that they're useless. And if such a fight is going to end that quickly, it needs to end in resounding defeat by the lightsabers, not by switching back to the Force. If you're trying to show that Vader underestimated her and decided to switch back to the Force rather than betray weakness by getting serious, then she needs to do more than roll around in the dirt, since it needs to come from her own skill with a blade rather than Vader just being bad. And it needs to last longer, long enough for Vader to come to the realization. I genuinely don't know what goal the directors and writers had for that scene, and what impression I was supposed to come away with in terms of each character's abilities. People criticize impractical flourishes in the PT's duels, but that's minor when the feeling of the fight is still there. Regardless of any criticisms about the choreography being too artistic or dance-like, at the end of it you have Obi-Wan chasing after his master and subsequently taking up his master's sword, you have Qui-Gon killed by Maul's dirty move rather than any of those artistic displays, and you have Maul killed by his own arrogance. But in this garbage there's no meaning to it at all.
>>6179 >Regardless of any criticisms about the choreography being too artistic or dance-like, The choreography of the Maul fight in TPM, I mean. Lost part of the sentence while rewording.
>>6179 >does it turn into a helicopter regularly I think they only used the helicopter feature twice to attack someone, no flying... yet. >But in this garbage there's no meaning to it at all. And the worse part is that they can't eve make it look good.
Open file (663.78 KB 1280x720 it ain't me.webm)
>>6181 >no flying... yet. In this particular show, you mean. In the franchise as a whole it already happened.
>>6179 To add to the fight choreography bit it looks like several of the sheboon's swings are far too short or too far to the side and Vader could have no done at all and still avoided them. Kind of just makes it look like it was just a chimpout and the ape lost any semblance of higher brain function.
Open file (897.01 KB 320x216 1462818388329.gif)
>>6183 The PT had its share of that too, but at least there it looked fancy. The thrust at 0:49 of that webm is really quite pathetic. Also she very obviously teleports a couple meters between 1:54 and 1:58.
>>6184 >at least there it looked fancy Pretty much. The PT's fights were definitely overly choreographed, but they were at least choreographed. This shit looks like (((they))) gave an ape a stick and just recorded it swinging it around and figured that was good enough to be a fight scene.
>>6182 >In this particular show, you mean. Yes, that is what I meant, but they should put helicopter lightsabers since the whole show is a joke. I don't know something like the nigress grabbing Luke and flying away in the desert.
Open file (18.41 MB 960x540 Kenobi 05 part 01.webm)
>guy that sells water in a desert planet lets the water spill >nigress returns to desert planet >doesn't get her shit kicked in >star destroyer is following one shitty transport >doesn't use TIE Fighter to blow it up >Owen doesn't have the pants on the relantionship Of course they will shit on Owen.
Open file (17.86 MB 960x540 Kenobi 05 part 02.webm)
>Vader and nuKenobi fight again >Kenobi rolls around him >Owen misses his shot against the nigress >Nigress doesn't kill Owen or his shitty wife They really didn't give a single fuck.
Open file (18.28 MB 960x540 Kenobi 05 part 03.webm)
>Hyperspace is instant now, because fuck you >Nigress can't kill Luke, because she is a gud gir! Have the original star wars added lens flares on the lightsabers? I think they didn't, right?
Open file (17.36 MB 960x540 Kenobi 05 part 04.webm)
>Hyperspace travel is instant now, because fuck you >She has a hoster >You said there are many ways to lead What did she mean by this? >Runs to her pet droid and ignores kenobi Just like she ignored Chewe when Han died.
Open file (19.44 MB 960x540 Kenobi 05 part 05.webm)
Did you rike it?
>>6194 >Did you rike it? If I see it as a stand alone thing, I guess yeah. But honestly there are things in star wars that don't mesh well at all with my head. Just in general as of late. >No deaths Essentially I don't think any character that wasn't a placeholder died. And it would be fine if no one died, so long they aren't put through situations that should essentially leave them dead. Like why make a whole big deal about someone getting stabbed or cut when we all know they will get as healthy as ever the next time you see them? Like you need some tension in the story and >Comedically incompetent empire/sith How does the empire even stand? At the time when OT came out it made sense cause the jedi are essentially extinct, you have two powerful sith rulling over the galaxy, and storm troopers are usually competent. But because bad guys can't actually win, they have to be the most clumsy people in existence. Literally falling for every looney tunes trick thrown in the way. Why is the empire even a thing? They can't seem to actually do anything important. Vader also lost to Kenobi which kinda does throw out the whole "Luke being the last hope" thing out of window, does it? I saw it being explained as "he can't put himself to kill him", but that's not the OT Kenobi which is fine with sending Luke to kill him. I think it's just the curse of adding stories to already existing stories, which makes the whole thing clumsy and shaky story wise. That's my spergy rant I guess.
The absolute state of normalfags.
>>6196 You faggots see this shit? This is fucking why Star Wars will never produce anything good again. Because no matter what there will always be several times more of these braindead troglodytes that actually fucking cry over the latest steaming pile of Star Wars branded shit then there will be of people that actually pay attention. It's not about quality and never will be. It's about the brand name and nothing else. Remember every fucking time yidsney pulls down their tranny panties to take another shit and expect to be paid for it, it's sub-humans like this that enable it. The nuTrilogy may have been made by disney but its the mindless drones like this that that fund it. The only salvation possible for Star Wars at this point is for all these pathetic cucks to die off an not be able to pass on their undying brand loyalty to their wife's boyfriend's children and the franchise becomes unprofitable so the shambling corpse being puppeted around can finally be put back in the ground.
>>6196 >>6198 I fairley enjoyed this episode, but i didn't cry for fuck sake, how does one gain such an emotional connection like this that they break down during scenes? Jesus Theericbutts almost fainted from the fucking trailers.
>>6199 >I fairley enjoyed this episode Cuck. >how does one gain such an emotional connection like this that they break down during scenes? Mindless consumerism and having a complete lack of an actual personality or independent thought. They latch onto something like Star Wars because its popular and they're told by the marketing that they should love it. They're quite literally mindless NPCs who's entire programing is to unconditionally love [product] and get excited for next [product].
>>6199 >I fairley enjoyed this episode The only part that I enoyed was when the Star Destroyer appeared, to bad that the whole scene was beyond retarded. >>6198 >The only salvation possible for Star Wars Is unsalvable, but at least they can't take away pre-disney star wars.
>>6200 Call me a cuck again, i dare you.
>>6205 Cuck.
>>6208 Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmpppphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Open file (875.31 KB 968x968 1656973886325.png)
Open file (234.20 KB 1024x527 ClipboardImage.png)
>hasbro does crowfunding/presale thing for wewuzinquistors lightsaber >it fails despite huge media push >hasbro also has high detail version of classic toy at same time >it does crazy numbers
>>6229 >yidsney star wars toys don't sell Nothing new there. For all the bluster about there being more of them the merch sure as fuck doesn't sell.
>>6230 The last toy they wanted to crowdfund was the rancor and they fucked up the tiers, they wanted to push fucking bones as a tier, so the bad goys pulled their shekels from the crowdfund.
Do you like the tri-wing, anons? To tell you the truth it looks like a Star Citizen png ship.
>>6236 The design isn't bad for a generic sci-fi ship, but it's way to sleek for a SW ship. And why is it called the tri-wing? Do they not know tri means three? I was expecting them to be lazy and unoriginal and have it to open up like a X-wing and just be three wings on each side but they didn't even do that much. I think they just named it that because they thought it sounded cool. >muh iconic Nigger, it's been in one fucking SW show that no one likes. I get that yidsney is going to do it's damnedest to shove it down people's throats, but just because you keep saying it's iconic doesn't mean it is.
New Star Wars: Padawan Prequel Novel Implies Obi-Wan Kenobi Is zeltrosexual https://archive.is/jeGX4
>>6245 Just like my gay slash fics

Report/Delete/Moderation Forms

no cookies?