> This is what my ego is thinking:
> MY ego
Me --> Ego
Who are you and who is the ego?
Are you sure you are not the ego?
Just a thought to play around with.
This "my ego" is usally a protective mechanism the ego uses to avoid pain. But one has to go through that pain to reach wholistic healing.
But people often times say "my ego" instead of me, because it's painful to accept one has been traumatized and programmed.
But the real power lies in accepting that you are the ego, because talking about "me" or "I" is per definition already the ego.
God is outside the ego and means that you identify with nothing and therefore are part of everything.
(See Jesus Christ.)
I myself still probably have many traumata I'm currently not aware of. I also probably still have some fears inside of me.
But I work on steadily dissolving those fears and accepting reality.
> "I hate that I feel like I gotta shove everything into the pit of my stomach where it doesn't belong. I feel like I'm alone in taking responsibility for my life despite the fucknuggets around me taking absolutely ZERO fucking responsibility for their own actions."
> "Why the fuck do I have to be the single good guy and everyone else can be free and be a cunt?"
You are not the single "good" guy. There are many "good" guys. I think you might be focusing too much on the "bad" guys.
If you don't put energy into them, they stop existing for you. It's your choice.
> "Why can they be hypocrites and I have to be the good guy?"
Everyone is what he wants to be. You don't have to be the good guy.
If you want to be the good guy, then be the good guy. No one is forcing you.
If you want, you can cave in and become a prick. The consequences of that choice are all on you.
> "I just want to have fun, why do they have to be assholes?"
Can't you have fun and allow others to be assholes? Assholes don't find it fun to talk shit, if it truly no longer affects you.
> "Why am I giving a shit about them?"
> "Why do I like people that do this shit?"
Now were getting into some interesting territory.
> "Why can I see what is blatantly a problem they have and they are oblivious to their own suffering?"
Because of trauma and pain. It's often times painful to be honest with ones self.
> "Why do I feel bad for these people and they are completely numb to their own trauma?"
That's a healthy reaction to such people I'd say. Yes, I pity them. They are traumatized and life a painful existe.
> "Why do I feel like I need to worry so much about them for my own sake?"
Hmm, I don't feel that way. You seem to have a different personality from me. Do you really need to worry about them for your own sake? Can you not just accept them the way they are and rationally decide weather it's worth the effort to try and change them?
> "What the fuck is wrong with me? I just want to draw cute fun and sexy things."
Figure out yourself what's wrong with you, not your ego. And as I see it, God is beyond you.
Just draw sexy things.
Don't give a fuck about destructive people. Just draw what you want. Draw cute and sexy human or human-hybrid things if you feel like it. Everything that can be looked at as a skill, needs to be practiced.
"Not giving a shit."TM is also a skill to be practiced. Embracing failure is also a skill to be practiced. Being happy is also something you can practice.
> "I'm trying to get rid of all these fucks I'm giving, but they're fucking weeds at this point."
Pull them out one by one, because with every weed plucked, will make you feel a bit better and it will make it easier and faster to pluck the other weeds. :D
I talk from experience. It's not linear. Just how people can quickly drop into their personal hell, they can also reach the highest hights divinity.