>>4871
Anon wouldn't be asking us about it if she felt that was something she could just do. If she's on the spectrum then the conversation would be even more overwhelming and difficult than it would already be for a neurotypical person. Talking about it is good advice on its face, but it ignores that all the ingredients that would make that talk successful are often missing.
>>4872
I've also seen accounts from men for whom the request for a threesome set off alarm bells, so that wouldn't have made much of a difference.
>>4870
>>be in relationship, never tell him I'm a cuck, he cheats on me of his own volition
I'm very sorry to hear that happened to you, Anon. Awful. Just awful. You were correct to break up with that guy.
>Is this a common issue? Actually decent guys refusing on the basis of loyalty?
I've seen lots of different reasons a guy might not want to do cuckqueaning, but there isn't enough time to go into all of them here. I've no idea how common it is for men to refuse, but I've seen plenty of men professing online that they'd not want to do it. I've also stumbled across many horror stories where the girl was indeed trying to manipulate or test the man; I can understand why a man would be suspicious. You can also look at the male advice thread over at
>>2371 to confirm that the alarm bells are real.
All that said, it seems to me that you have two problems, and that this one—
>how do I figure out if I've fucked up?
>they'd take a woman asking this as her asking for an open relationship so she can "be a whore without feeling bad about it" and I'm kind of scared that's what he thinks I want.
>He's been cheated on before and I'm scared I set off alarm bells in his head.
—is the more important.
First, the answer to your main question:
>Did I just fuck up beyond repair?
No, probably not. There's no way for us to guess what he thinks about it because we've not much information about him or the relationship, but I think it might reassure you to be able to make sure that he understands what you were actually thinking rather than what he might imagine you were (or what you imagine he imagines you were). Feel free to give us more information if you think it'll help and you're comfortable in doing so.
Since you're on the spectrum, maybe it would help to have a rough script? Here's how I'd start off if I was in your position. Feel free to ask for reasoning or detail, and to adapt it to your needs:
"<term of endearment>, what I said the other day—about wanting you to cuck me? I'm completely fine with you not wanting to, but I've seen a lot of guys online who got tricked by girls saying that sort of thing and then using it to try and negotiate an open relationship or other access to strange dick, or who were testing them and freaked out if they looked like they'd accept. I wasn't going for any of that; I wasn't trying to trick you and I wasn't testing you. It must have seemed like a really weird thing for me to want, I know, but it was sincere."
Depending on how the conversation goes, you might also end up assuring him that cuckqueaning is a real thing, that you're not damaged for wanting it, or otherwise explaining your version of the fetish to him. Do you know enough about cuckqueaning and your own desires that you'd be comfortable with that? Come to think of it, how did you originally raise the matter with him and ask him to cuck you?
I know this isn't much, but I hope it at least helped you feel a little better. Lots of people find navigating sex to be very tricky so take some comfort that you aren't alone!