>>2371 Guess I should have asked a question. What would be a good way to go about asking if she's actually somewhat into that without necessarily asking? >asking flat out if she'd wants me to have sex with someone else seems like a generally bad idea >especially if Im wrong Part of the reason I've decided to pursue part of this is because there may be a similar issue as what happened during the last pregnancy, though this time it would mean some seven months of no sex. Which means the offer may reappear again, but Id like to get things figured out before then. She didnt handle the last time very well.

>>2371 >Maybe a vixen? You might be confused. A vixen is the "other woman" who the man has sex with. >>2372 >She didnt handle the last time very well. Explain, please.

>>2373 Im still trying to figure out some of the terminology, my bad. >last time Got hospitalized for preterm labor (multiple times), eventually an observant nurse bothered to ask a million dollar question. Told that we couldnt have sex else it would keep happening. She apparently took this to mean she wasnt allowed to cum, not that the protein in the sperm was causing her to go into preterm. Orgasms can cause it, but its usually the protein like 90% of the time. 4+ months of no sex and she was... Different about things during and even after awhile. >offered that I could have a girlfriend >routinely asked for me to masturbate for her >would bring up and talk more depth about sex, in particular what I want or look for in women Which was odd, since I obviously wouldnt be looking >demanded to know a few times if I ever considered anyone other than her >told me to buy condoms but then adamantly refused that we should use them Personally at the time I chalked it up to her just being pent up and full of hormones; thats highly atypical behavior for her, shes usually very reserved and getting her to talk about anything sexual is often awkward or rather straightforward but with oddly family friendly phrasing. Were finally on a decade of marriage and she's only recently okay with dirty talking.

>>2371 >>2372 >>2374 Let's make sure we're talking about the same thing. Cuckqueaning is a sexual fetish/kink; I encourage my man to sleep around because I like it when he does. Two main types of cuckqueans exist: Compersive (mainly get off on their man getting off; don't experience it as humiliating) and humiliation-driven (mainly get off on the humiliation of their man getting off elsewhere; actively seek to be degraded by the experience). But take note: Just because a woman might allow her man to fuck another girl doesn't mean she's a cuckquean. For example, a woman involved in a threesome together with her man and a third girl might not particularly get off on her man fucking that third girl, and e.g. instead might enjoy experimenting with the bisexual aspect of it, regarding her man's sexual contact with the other girl as merely an interesting side-show she can take or leave. Such a woman would not be a cuckquean in the sexual fetish sense. I think it's safest to assume a woman doesn't have a cuckqueaning fetish until conclusively proven otherwise. What you've described plus the strong religious streak suggests to me that your wife might feel it to be her duty to ensure you're getting off regularly, and if she can't do so herself she seeks other means of doing so, up to and including suggesting you sleep around. If this is the case, it's not the same thing as wanting you to sleep around for her own sexual gratification. It's also possible (but much less probable) that she's nursing a secret cuckqueaning fetish and is only able to let herself express it when circumstances "force" it (e.g. she feels guilty about it so needs an excuse). Without being able to actually discuss it with her, there's very little you can do to determine which is which. I do wonder: You were offered a girlfriend, but what did your wife expect to happen once she'd given birth and was able to fulfil her marital duties again? You keep the girlfriend, or does the poor girl get kicked to the curb?

>>2375 Ill read more about it then. Id think overall if it does apply itd likely be compersive then, simply based on things that I know for certain. Ive considered both of those, which is part of why I wanted advice. Its not so much that I cant, just being overt about it might not go over well. Like... Is there a subtle way to find out or should I just go about trying to kickstart such a conversation? If it helps the more serious conversations about polygyny are part of what led me to making my assumption overall. To be entirely honest I have no idea, and hadnt considered that at all. I had completely dismissed everything, but if I hadnt that wouldnt have been a good situation at all; especially if she didnt have the fetish.

>>2376 >Like... Is there a subtle way to find out or should I just go about trying to kickstart such a conversation? There are subtle ways to lead her into such a conversation, but they rely on context and skills that I suspect you might not have. One way might have been to say something like >Remember that thing about me having a girlfriend? I stumbled on an imageboard full of girls who like their men to have side girls, pretty weird huh? But since you've posted here, that's a non-starter. I'd counsel against introducing her to the "cuckquean" term early, if you were thinking about that, since the humiliation-driven stuff (much of it quite ugly) dominates search results and your wife might end up understanding the term to mean exclusively that. This is because humiliation-driven cuckqueans experience telling people about their humiliation as being even more humiliating, so naturally they do it more. >the more serious conversations about polygyny are part of what led me to making my assumption overall You keep referring to these but give us no information. What are we supposed to do with it? When it comes right down to it, it sounds like you're afraid of your wife's response no matter whether you approach it openly or covertly. That's not a great position to be in and will lead to misunderstandings at best and pain at worst.

>You were offered a girlfriend, but what did your wife expect to happen once she'd given birth and was able to fulfill her marital duties again? You keep the girlfriend, or does the poor girl get kicked to the curb? The answer to this seems pretty important to me. If it's to kick her to the curb and she really means that then it's just desperation. I really just can't overstate the importance of being honest with each other, but right now she sounds like she needs that advice more than you. If you can't tell whether her answer to that question is honest, we sure can't. Does she have the idea in her head that it's a failure of hers if her husband has to masturbate for a few months? It's possible you put that idea in her head by complaining about the inadequacy of masturbation as a substitute for the wife's touch. It's possible that you didn't, but she got the idea from somewhere else. Something to clear up with her, I feel. >I was given permission to get a girlfriend so long as she knew about it. I didn't do this as like the other prior times such had come up What's odd to me is that she keeps bringing it up. If you know the option is on the table, and she knows you know, why continue to mention it? What does she think will happen if you don't avail yourself of the option? Has she become insecure, and worried you will leave her? So that's another angle to start asking from, maybe better than the first approach I mentioned.

>>2377 Its not an issue of her response, its whether or not it was handled tactfully. Id rather not ruin what I already have, Im perfectly happy with what I have I just want to make sure that she is as well or at least willing to discuss such with me. Im happily married, Id rather not blow that up because Im an idiot; perfectly reasonable thing to be worried about. Im starting to think that maybe thumbing through a thesaurus and approaching things about compersion and her obsession with watching me get off might be a good avenue. >Polygyny Right. Comes up every now and then. This ranges from light jokes to full on serious discussions. Basically everything most to do with it in whatever aspect whenever it tends to come up. From teasing >"Haha, well you arent allowed to just pick out a new dishwasher with benefits, I get a say." To more thought out serious discussions >"I think the best way to set up a house like that would be have everyone under one rough, that way things are consistent and clear. Having a man hop from house to house isnt fair to the kids or his wives." Its like a weird subject that we keep coming back to, like truecrime nuts constantly wanting to discuss cannibalism; we just end up talking about it fairly often in almost every context and besides discussing ways that it could be done wrong, theres never really a negative connotation. one of our more indepth conversations basically going over how everything would need to be done or structured overall; such as how the kids would need to be brought up, sleeping arrangements, employment, and even how date nights would theoretically work. More recently I was told in a fairly serious manner when the subject came up again >"Well if we do that, I get to choose who they'll be. Okay?" This is a definite part that leads me here but also leaves me to wonder if this is nebulous random discussion or not. We often discuss various odd stuff at length, but not so much or as often as setting up a household where Id have at least two wives or more. >>2382 Dunno, never bothered for her to clarify. Guess I could ask her this time around as it'll likely come up again. >failure of hers No, at least not that Im aware of or by any indication shes given. She tends to view that as something kink based more than anything, like a reward that I should give her every now and then. She seems to get off on watching me, or just knowing that Im doing so. We werent properly able to for 4months, but that doesnt mean that she couldnt do certain things, but there was a definite preference for watching me or at least knowing. That with the girlfriend thing or the long discussions on polygyny it isnt such a leap. >prior times Theyre few and far between, the last time was nearly three years ago during the 4 month stint. The offer is usually infrequent and seems to follow with us either not being able to have sex for whatever reason, stressed, or when she's drunk. >insecure I hope not, Ill have to talk to her about that, moreso about if she believes Id leave. That's more important. Input so far has been good, thanks for the responses.

>>2384 >"I think the best way to set up a house like that would be have everyone under one rough, that way things are consistent and clear. Having a man hop from house to house isnt fair to the kids or his wives." I agree with your wife, FWIW. >"Well if we do that, I get to choose who they'll be. Okay?" >She seems to get off on watching me, or just knowing that Im doing so >there was a definite preference for watching me or at least knowing Now we're getting somewhere. These are indeed things that point towards your wife having components of the cuckquean fetish; the voyeuristic interest in your pleasure is a big one. Next time the polygyny discussions come up, steer towards bedroom arrangements and explore what her attitude towards sex would be. One big bed? Threesomes can't happen all the time, so would she want to watch? Egg on and encourage you and her co-wife? (A long while ago, we had input from one woman in a polygynous marriage who said the point where she really gelled to the arrangement sexually was when the first wife held her hand and egged her on while she was getting fucked.) Other things you want to discover in the polygyny discussions: >Does she think of polygyny only as a "backup" for when she's out of commission, or as something she'd be happy with in general? >How does she think she'd get along with a co-wife? >You'd be having sex with another woman under her nose. What does she think about that? >One big bedroom or separate bedrooms for each wife? Pros/cons? >How would dating to find a co-wife work? She has to be involved in the selection process, after all... >What's the best number of wives? >Does the first wife in a polygynous marriage ever get "buyer's remorse"? And so on. Move from polygyny in general to specific hypotheticals involving her, keeping the tone light-hearted. Be sure to tell her you think it's cool that she's so relaxed and open about a topic that sends some women into angry rages. Pay attention to where she goes with the discussion and let her feel encouraged to express herself. Many women with this fetish find that people just straight up do not understand, so it's important to show that you're capable of understanding the dynamic from her perspective and that you think it's cool that she thinks about it like she does. Another thing you can do is to explore the sexual dynamic wherein she feels good when you feel good. You say that the thing where she asks to watch you masturbate is >usually infrequent and seems to follow with us either not being able to have sex for whatever reason, stressed, or when she's drunk but have you suggested doing it yourself? Ever done it as foreplay to normal sex? Given yourself a couple of cheeky tugs on your morning wood with a big grin before you get up? You only learn the parameters of something by exploring it.

Went with a light push on the voyeurism and posing hypotheticals as well as claiming that I had a dream where I had a harem of multiple wives of only her. Pretty significant results and some mildly amusing stuff. At this point Im definitely certain she is rather into cuckquean but likely not entirely comfortable with it or the certain aspects as well as worried that I'd somehow be stolen away/be tempted to leave. So, to start with I decided to go over the 'dream'. Which was interesting. She seemed to have a mixed reaction but turned on by it which lead to an interesting conversation. >she suggested that we do roleplay >floated the idea that she could be a hooker or just some girl I picked up at a bar >I offered back that thats too sleazy, offering instead a girlfriend or co-wife scenario >she didnt like the girlfriend suggestion and at first refused to address why co-wife wasnt good >eventually settled on "its too realistic" while her face was red >asked for an explanation and all I got was weak deflections >"Youre too handsome, someone might try to steal you." Im honestly rather average and absolutely nothing special, >"besides, most women out there are nuts." >"where would we all sleep? Itd be awkward." When I offered, jokingly, that I could change my office into a bedroom she kind of sputtered and told me I was mean and went back into other deflections >"well, Im greedy. Id want you more often." Pointed out that that wasnt a no >"well you arent allowed to date, most women are nuts and thats a weird situation." Follow back with a teasing tone that she said she'd pick co-wife, since I apparently wasnt allowed to. Went beet red and then became sexually aggressive Decided at some point to keep prodding about why she said it was too realistic, as if I could just pop out and come home with a second wife. Obviously even getting to a point to even attempt such a situation would probably be a ton of work and lots of screening; even more so since I have children, my state has squatter laws, and more. So this was definitely odd to me and at least seems that indicate that its at least a very real thing to her that I could just have a second wife. >she wouldnt explain the why she said it was too realistic and still refuses to, instead deflecting still or just outright changing the subject No anger, just kind of a general embarrassment and more indications that this is something she seems to have thought about thoroughly From there I decided to push on some of the voyeur/compersion stuff. Continued with the harem dream thing and worked it in as dirty talk about having to watch me use a different her however I wanted. Ill spare the unnecessary details, but did pick up rather big stuff >she's absolutely into the idea of watching me >she's up for watching me have sex, suggesting taping it >floated that she didnt think itd be as good to watch me having sex with her, phrased in such a way to suggest that she wanted to watch me rail a girl that she considers prettier than herself Something like >"Im not that pretty, so it wouldn't be as fun for me to watch." Didnt push on this, but will at a later time. And yes, I did make sure to reassure her about how she looks. Gonna try and get that why. >>2386 >polygyny discussions Definitely going to see, some of the stuff we talked about the other day hit on these but not fully. Another aspect that might be part of the unwillingness to discuss is general views on bisexuality versus wants, dunno. >other things >backup It seems more like the offered excuse would be "backup" but that she's into it, Ill have to find a way to bring this up at some point. Have mentioned that housechores and such would be easier with another wife. >"no, youd just end up with two of us being pregnant and grumbling at you." Told her I wouldnt mind that, which prompted a subject change as her face went red Some of those are pretty tough, Ill likely marry them with what I parsed out and see what she says >likely multiple bedrooms as she's indicated >compersion dynamic Basically was told its now part of my husbandly responsibilities to let her watch me masturbate and that I have to really let her know that I enjoy it lmao

>>2391 Ill see you guys in a week or so, going to see what she'll be willing to open up on. Thanks for all the replies so far