I figured something about myself.
Sometimes I long for something like "friendship" and "being in a group", but whenever I try that I just don't want to follow it.
Same thing happened with me wanting to learn to draw, learn to play a guitar, learn to use a daw, learn to make a game. I make an attempt at first but then I get repulsed by the idea of doing it again.
Maybe I just don't find joy in that stuff, I like the idea but the execution may get draining.
Something's wrong with me but I don't know what, only things I can pull off well are playing videogames and browsing imageboards.