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How to be free of fear? Anonymous 11/17/2021 (Wed) 18:15:38 No.1889
TLDR: I know I have to get rid of fear with religion, but I don't know how. I feel like I am in some sort of extreme apathy. No, I'm not into dark thoughts of ending life. It's more of an extreme apathy of not feeling any positive emotion at all. I'm not sure how to explain it properly, I'm sorry. It's like I am unable to receive happiness or I am unable to enjoy fun playing videogames. As if I am emotionally sterile. I need to open my heart and be honest and say what I'm really thinking, but I have a problem with trust. I don't reveal my honest thoughts, my honest opinions to even my family (who are very nihilistic) because every time I open myself to a problem I get the "your problems aren't worth sharing" treatment and they quickly change the topic. I have a few friends but they are not RL friends. I won't go to many details but this basically led me to a situation where I let fear govern me and myself, and this went on for around 10 years or so. Why the heck am I posting this in the Christianity boards? Because I used to be Christian when I was a teen, going to the church for months and I had a better mental health... until my mother did a "how dare you" speech onto me, making me stop following Christianity. I believe that there is a connection. If I am Christian, there is no fear. Otherwise there is fear within me. I think I need to go back to my Christian ways to finally get rid of my fear. Problem is that my fear seems to be that big that I don't come up with any steps to get started.
It's like I am unable to receive happiness or I am unable to enjoy fun playing videogames. There are many reasons for this, video games are more plentiful now than they were in the 90s, and we're older and more used to what used to be exciting in a game. You're approaching this from a very emotional view, Christianity is suppose to be get you to investigate what you believe and to be morally critical of you actions. Some days you'll feel fear and some bravery, i think you should choose to be brave and solve (as best you can) why you're afraid in the first place.
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>>1890 TLDR: I don't know why I have perpetual fear. I'm such a big sinner that I don't get why God would forgive me. I'm hungry for white pills but I don't know where to start. >video games are more plentiful now than they were in the 90s I personally avoid all AAA games. To be fair some videogames (specially the indies) are fun, I'm now playing this game, Kingdom Come Deliverance. I recommend listening to this uplifting music, even if you're not interested in playing the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6PWKwyvvWk >I think you should choose to be brave That I can do better. I remember I have a collection of wallpapers as motivational phrases to keep me going. I used to set them up in my PC but then took them away because of the ridicule from my parents or say something very demoralizing yet extremely obvious like "oh, that's a quote from Robin Williams, did you know that he died?" and I'm thinking if I wanna bring the Captain Obvious card. Anyway, but one of my faved quotes in that wallpaper folder was something like "Be brave, even if you're not, pretend to be". I should put that collection up. >and solve (as best you can) why you're afraid in the first place That's the thing, I don't know the roots or genesis of that kind of that perpetual fear. I don't wanna make this thread as a personal rant and depressing so I'm gonna make this as short as possible of major events. >be me, introverted male of 30 with no social skills >still living with parents >used to have friends until they moved away to another country, can't contact them >lost virginity at my early 20s, I didn't even felt joy in sex and I'm straight (worth mention it because sex before marriage is a sin) >addicted to porn after she broke up with me (and still am) >slothful as heck >this summer, forced to take the vaccine by my parents (I tried to explain but they interrupted me after 5 seconds of me explaining even with articles and researching printed on paper) >afraid of my parents >my big brother who I looked up, admired and haven't seem in years, visited us called me the typical negative buzzwords "you're a racist!" after he knew that event >afraid of my family >starting to become more addicted to energy drinks while I'm in the beach listening to my music in peace maskless, lyring to myself "Ahh, this feels better" >recently got fired a few months ago >starting to become hunger for purpose, discipline, and/or guidance but my addictions for some reason help me alleviate the problem while aware that I should put these addictions out of my life If I already had sex before marriage why would Peter (the gatekeeper of Heaven as I understand) let me in Heaven? If I have a sad and laughable life why would Peter let me in Heaven? If I am such a freaking coward why would Peter let me in Heaven? If I made an irreversible change to my body, why would Peter let me in Heaven? If I keep coming for addictions why would Peter let me in Heaven? I know there is this concept of forgiveness but even I am trying to understand why Jesus and God would forgive me for my sins. At the very least there should be ground rules. I need something more than motivational wallpapers, I need white pills, concepts and memes that give me hope, give me resistance, and give me the determination and courage to fight fear back and to allow myself to say "Look, I know I have problems but I solved most of them with a positive mindset, I can look forward, I can face any problem". There is, even a big possibility that it's just me over-extremely-overthinking things. If I did that, at the very least I'll stop lying to myself when someone tells me "How's your day?" and I say "I'm good". Apologies for the long post now that I read it.
>>1892 shit, i'm not a christcuck but you remind me of myself.
>>1892 >If I already had sex before marriage why would Peter (the gatekeeper of Heaven as I understand) let me in Heaven? God is the gatekeeper of heaven although listening to peter will give you a better chance to get in. >If I have a sad and laughable life why would Peter let me in Heaven? Because God forgives those who have done deplorable things. I would say try to go into therapy, and try to remove sin from your life, pornography kills motivation. You also have serious issues with your family. Praying helps psychologically in times of problems.
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>>1892 Because God is BASED.
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TLDR: I'm very slowly recovering. Still insecure and messed up, but with a more positive mindset that allows me to go forward. Doing physical exercise makes wonders. Small and hopefully last update. Seriously considering making a blog to throw my thoughts out there. I'm relieved to know that there are good people willing to help others, even if their help seems small. I will get to replies in the end of this post. I've been remembering some things. Like a certain thread in an imageboard dedicated to blogs in where I saved screenshots of someone posting their thoughts and insecurities but at the same time being positive and I was thinking "He is posting things that will seem ridiculous to normies, but it's fascinating to read his choice of words it's almost encouraging." Unfortunately I accidentally deleted the screenshots and I don't know where the board was (I know it's not from here). Then I discovered some things like entire websites and communities, forums and digital places in which allow others to express themselves not like fakebook twatter and REEddit. That's when I learned that no matter how lost you feel, there is always a place for someone like you, even if it doesn't appear to be. If you are willing to breach into new territory sooner or later you'll find something or a hint at least. I know I am not alone anymore. How are these paragraphs relevant? Reading and writing helps with mental health. I confess that I've read 3 or 4 physical books in my entire life (teachers make reading boring, srsly) but I've read lots of paragraphs, stories, events in boards that I couldn't imagine them being in social media in current year. One story in a board has the potential to change someone's mind on a subject, opinion, or even an entire worldview of someone else. I think that is why big tech is censoring a lot, to keep control on the robots who never question anything and think for themselves. Coming as a member of the redpill community, long time ago I used to have wishes to be a father and have a big family, but after seeing girls getting into the "career first, family after hitting the wall" mentality I prefer to choose other paths, and spirituality (related to Christianity since I am experienced) is one of them. Miracles exist, I believe they do, I have this grandmother who is at her 90s and has problems recognizing the other members of my family, but when my big brother visited us and they seen each other for the first time in probably 10 years she instantly recognized him while she was struggling to recognize the rest. If I get into a better mental health state (even a bit) after listening a .mp3 of "God talks to you while you sleep" while at the same time being aware that the voice in the audio is a voice actor then it's most likely a miracle that it worked well on me. I know I am still messed up and I am aware that the path of recovery is not easy as I am taking longer to improve in one or various aspects of my life. However, I feel like I can celebrate small progress with a smile in my face. Going on replies. >>1893 Sorry to hear that. You shouldn't abuse yourself with words like that, you should describe yourself with words that make you strong. I recommend watching a movie, "Facing the Giants", it's not an impressive movie in terms of story but it has encouraging messages. I hope watching it leads to you going in good paths. >>1894 Not sure if therapy is a good idea unless it's explicitly dedicated to male Christians with legit good intentions. There is this big push against masculinity in the world of professional psychology and I don't want to consume 20 different prescibed meds for the rest of my life. And certainly I don't want normie-like conversations like if I'm becoming a NPC from Oblivion talking about the weather. When I used to pray The Lord's Prayer when I was younger, I used to say the words and that's it. Last time I prayed was a few months ago, but my words suddenly had a resonance within me, as if I finally understand the meaning of the choice of these words. And after finishing my prayers I had felt something good that I cannot describe, as if I'm touched by a divine intervention. Praying helps, indeed, doing physical exercise helps too, I just did 20 push ups and it feels really good. I'll do some praying tonight, and most likely every night. I hope one day I pray without tears in my eyes. >>1895 There is something about the Gospel, I've read a little about the Bible but never read the Gospel. I heard streamers saying that the Gospel left a big and good impression in them towards Christianity so if Matthew 28:20 left me with a good resonance, maybe the Gospel will do wonders. Everyone, thank you for your reading. Sincerely. God bless you for your time. I think I'm facing the small demons of fear. Bigger demons will come but I feel like I can become stronger and more capable. Miracles exist.
>>1892 Through Jesus all is forgiven. He came to earth and had his blood spilled to bring all of us salvation. All that you need to do is to believe in him to receive this gift. >If I already had sex before marriage why would Peter (the gatekeeper of Heaven as I understand) let me in Heaven? >If I am such a freaking coward why would Peter let me in Heaven? Repent for your sins, believe in Jesus and you will be forgiven. >If I made an irreversible change to my body, why would Peter let me in Heaven? If you are talking about taking the vaccine, then I am not sure. This, in my opinion, is the gravest sin that you have noted above. I believe it has a very high chance of being the Mark of the Beast, or at least be directly involved in the Mark of the Beast system. If you repent for having taking it and believe in Christ, maybe you would be forgiven even if the Mark of the Beast is an admission of desiring the material over your soul. I am not God, and I am not going to judge if you are going to Hell or not even if you repent. It is said that all things are forgiven through Christ. I am not sure what happens for those who take the Mark and repent for it afterwards. Does anyone have any idea? >If I keep coming for addictions why would Peter let me in Heaven? I am not sure if addiction in itself is specifically a sin, however you should cut down the energy drinks for your own health. The biggest thing is that you should make a heartfelt effort to stop indulging in sin. Pray for clarity in understanding your sins and pray for strength in defeating them. I used to be a chronic masturbator, and when I have a moment of lust (impossible to avoid unless you are a monk in a fraternal order who does not interact with the modern world, and even then), I ask Jesus for help and they quickly subside. You will most likely falter at some point, as I have. Repent for indulging in the sin, and start again. Your sins are not that bad anon. You are not a killer, fraud, homosexual. Please awaken the dignity that lies dormant within you. This requires daily, concrete action on your part. For starters, never allow your parents to have control over your body ever again. What's done is done but you should not have allowed them to force you into taking this injection. You gave up your bodily autonomy to them, probably because they threatened you with kicking you out of the house. I understand that it's difficult to leave the nest, but you have to leave. Your parents are very abusive if what you say is true. I very much agree with you that belief in Christ, God and the Holy Spirit gives you strength and banishes your fear, much like you've noted above. I also used to be very fearful, in fact my whole life has been governed by arguably neurotic fears regarding the future, I have had much disturbed sleep in the past 2 years because of the state of the world relating to this satanic covid tyranny, but once I accepted that I wasn't in control, that God was in control, all the fear went away. At this point, all I need to concern myself with is if my actions are right and just, the consequences of that do not matter. I am ready to die if needs be. I will be around if you want to bounce anything else off me.
>>1915 >Not sure if therapy is a good idea unless it's explicitly dedicated to male Christians with legit good intentions. Therapy is a horrible idea. Therapy was invented to fill the hole that Church confessions left when people stopped being religious. Your read on the therapy situation is very accurate. I did therapy for a while, and they pushed these SSRIs on me. It didn't make me feel any better, but it made it so I couldn't orgasm unless I masturbated for at least 7 hours straight, but it didn't kill my libido. This was the worst period in my life regarding masturbation, it's not an exaggeration to say I would spend at least 20 hours a week masturbating. I wasn't even Christian at the time, so there was no imperative for me to abstain, so I just indulged in it and wasted a year of my youth in this cycle. Stay away from therapy.
>>1889 >>1890 >>1892 You should fear God anon, For fear is the most powerful driving force a man could have. Fear is a trial. It must be overcome, That's the way I've always seen it, Fear only that which can destroy the soul and avoid it at all costs.
>>1915 >Not sure if therapy is a good idea unless it's explicitly dedicated to male Christians with legit good intentions. I know what you mean, last therapist learned that i was a Christian and sent me to a tranny church because she though it was a good church. I guess then a Christian retreat would be better, perhaps. However i do believe that therapy can help you with the problem with your parents, God provided Doctors and therapists for a reason, but it's your choice. >I don't want to consume 20 different prescibed meds for the rest of my life. As someone who has to take meds for medical conditions, you don't have to take any meds you don't want to from therapy. What inexplicable goodness you feel from just praying can be multiplied in a Christian retreat where you go to church often and have others praying for you, you are filled with the Holy Spirit.

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