I don't really know how to preface any of this so it's just going to be stream-of-consciousness and all over the place.
I've been having a bit of a spiritual crisis over the past couple of months, it basically started with reading through a Wikipedia page on the estimated timeline of the universe, how humanity will last for at most 100,000 years assuming no cataclysmic event/rapture/spiritual awakening, and the universe as a whole will last for far longer than that, upwards of quintillions of quintillions of years (that may be exaggerating but you get the idea, a very long time) until it all collapses on itself and forms another big bang, starting a new universe as the cycle continues. Reading that launched me into a depression that nothing we do here truly matters, at most we affect the ones around us in our lifetime a bit and then we expire. Come 200 years in the future nobody will even know nor care that we existed, just a bunch of old dead dudes that may or may not have invented the predecessors to the stuff we use today. Think about the billions of people that lived in the 1800s, and only a handful of them we remember today, the ones that did something truly inspiring (great leaders, generals, inventors, philosophers) but even then none of us really give them anything more than a moment's thought before we continue on with our daily lives. It all just feels so pointless, like there's no point in doing anything since nobody will remember any of it except for maybe a sentence in a history lesson. And that's where Christianity should come in, that our time in this world doesn't matter, that heaven/eternal life is around the corner, but the more I think about it a lot of the questions I have for secularists can be applied to us as well, like
>the universe couldn't have created itself
<but neither could God, by that logic
>maybe there's an alternate dimension/timeline/parallel universe that created God
<but then who or what created that alternate dimension/timeline/parallel universe
It's very disheartening.
Thinking more about the Bible is also depressing, since it has been downgraded overtime from "infallible" to "reinterpreted" to "it's an allegory/expression". For example, it was unanimous that the universe was created in seven days, but now that we know it's clearly billions of years old that has changed to simply an expression. It's not "wrong", it's just "reinterpreted". Except that is wrong, we just don't want to admit it. It's also statistically impossible that the Word of God could have gone thousands of years and never lost its original meaning through mistranslation. Comparing the KJV to modern translations like The Message pretty clearly shows a dumbing down of language to preach to modern society. Instead of the world adapting to Christianity, Christianity is adapting to fit the world at the cost of religious coherence. The Bible has absolutely changed from the original manuscripts; even when they were translated from Hebrew/Syrian/Greek to a Romanized language you lose many expressions that can only be understood in the original language. It's also hard to find any objective opinion on what the Bible says is true or not. It seems that everything is made subjective, how a passage can mean something completely different to two different people, even though they're within the same Church. This is also the issue with all the different divisions within the Church, East or West Orthodox, Catholic or Protestant, Lutheran, Baptist, Evangelical, even Mormonism. With all this division the Word of God has become fractured and up to individual interpretation. How can a religion that is entirely subjective hold any truth?
The issue of evolution and race is also troubling. It is hard, if not impossible, for me to reconcile that God created all men equally when there is an obvious gap in what other civilizations have done compared to, say, ancient civilizations in Africa and the early Americas. While Europe and Asia were discovering new things about the world and building up their civilizations and knowledge, Africa was and still is wallowing in the mud with tribal warfare. Despite countless expeditions, billions in foreign aid and attempts to colonize/bring peace to the region, it hasn't changed at all, despite being the richest and most opportunistic continent on the planet. The racial disparities are impossible to deny, and to be quite honest my belief in God is the only thing keeping me from going full 14/88.
This basically constitutes several dozen questions but I don't know of any other way to explain it.