>>10955 Freudian gibberish, unchristian.

There are many cool ways to martyrdom. First thing that comes to mind is that you can volounteer to be a medical test subject and donate all your compensation money.

>>10960 I honestly cant tell if this is a hateful bait or sincere advice.

Also I unironically consider donating organS while fully alive:kidney,for example..altrough i Would start with just donating blood,bone marrow etc.. is there anything else i can donate without dying or becoming a cripple?

>>10964 Well then you should probably research on your own as there are probably not many doctor anons but if you donate your liver and skin they can grow back. If you are a woman you can get shaved bald and donate your hair for a wig or give birth for infertile couples. I don't know if you can give your milk anymore though.

I should probably adress this with my priest but he'll think im insane or just dumb if I say "ok I kinda dislike God im not beatiful"(male) I feel I can use my body for asceticism and fast,keep vigil...but I also crave the void,the non-sentience of silent death...

>>10977 You can temporarily experience void and non sentience while living through deep meditation. Some will say that meditation is unchristian but it's pretty difficult to never experience some form of meditative state even by accident. Anyway why do you care if you are not beautiful if you're a male?

>>10981 Well, I cant accept or rather, I cant even begin to fathom,how I Myself could possibly be less beatiful a male model. i WANTED to get scouted...I didnt. but others did,that means I Myself am hierarchically inferior,and beauty is the defining factor of 99% stuff in human life.

>>10983 There are many branches of modeling and they need people with various appearences so you just need persistance but if they didn't want you as a fashion model then you're probably lucky because whenever I see them I pity them.

>>10985 wouldnt "various appearances" be admitting I, Myself,am not beatiful and thus need to rely on minor ways of modelling? I just want beauty,to have my face gazed at and inspire awe,to be used as an example of a beatiful man.

>>11006 >I just want beauty,to have my face gazed at and inspire awe,to be used as an example of a beatiful man. I don't think there was ever a man who accomplished that through looks alone. If that's what you want you should try to impact lives of as many people as possuble preferably through politics.

>>11009 ok. fair enough. im mature enough to admit my initial statements were wrong.

Isn't Death Drive the name of a fictional video game console from no more heroes?

I've read a book that deconstructs and refutes the "Death Drive" and when I find out which one it is I post it here. What you described reminds me of myself one year ago. I was obsessed with the material, with exercise and my physique, chasing sluts, drinking five to six cups coffee a day without eating properly for several weeks - basically I wanted to die but as a Catholic you cannot commit suicide. During this time, my physique was the best I had and attracted many women BUT I was mentally the weakest in my life. You don't really want to die, you want to escape the suffering that is hunting you your entire life. You think a slow suicide is the solution but it is only a farce. Spiritually you already feel dead but your body keeps you alive. Only God can rejuvenate your spirits. First you need to have joy in life before you can grow in your faith again. Do what is necessary to rekindle that joy. God bless.

I keep asking God to kill me, or at least give me a sign that He's there or that He cares. But nothing so far. I desperately need some light/comfort from Him right now, but He never speaks to me or shows me any signs. All I can hope for is that He's there, and that He'll take care of me. But that has made life scary, since I don't know if He'll be there for me in my future, which I know is going to be terrible if He doesn't exist. I wish I could do things to shorten my life, but I don't want to be controlled by my flesh. I don't want to deliberately harm this flesh-body that I'm borrowing from God. I treat it as proper as I can, because any attack on it would be an attack on God. I hope He comes soon. I'm starting to think of ways to end my life again.

>>10955 yes, it is a sin. jesus himself emphasized that sin comes from the heart. it does not matter if you look at a woman lustfully, but don't do anything. to god, it's as if you committed adultery. the reality of sin and understanding what it is, means that you actually HAVE committed adultery, in fact. so if it's in your heart to kill yourself, piece by piece, it doesn't matter that you didn't take a shotgun to your head, or jump off a building. you've done it in your heart already, and it means that your heart needs to change. that you can't do by yourself

We are all sinners by nature. This nature leads to death and you have accepted that. Now accept Christ's crucifixion, which we are free to take part in and God has done it for us. Accept that your old man is dead and let God put you in his resurrected Christ.