I keep asking God to kill me, or at least give me a sign that He's there or that He cares. But nothing so far.
I desperately need some light/comfort from Him right now, but He never speaks to me or shows me any signs.
All I can hope for is that He's there, and that He'll take care of me. But that has made life scary, since I don't know if He'll be there for me in my future, which I know is going to be terrible if He doesn't exist.
I wish I could do things to shorten my life, but I don't want to be controlled by my flesh. I don't want to deliberately harm this flesh-body that I'm borrowing from God. I treat it as proper as I can, because any attack on it would be an attack on God.
I hope He comes soon. I'm starting to think of ways to end my life again.