I know that through God all things are possible, but sexual sin really does seem insurmountable. I've been able to give up other addictions, including alcohol and tobacco, relatively easy. In those cases it was easy, I think, because the object of addiction was avoidable. In order to not drink, I merely had to avoid buying alcohol and cigarettes. This was shockingly easy for me. Sure, I definitely had a strong craving for those things, especially in the first couple of weeks. Hell, I still have plenty of moments where I crave a drink, or a smoke. Nonetheless, I have been able to conquer these with relative ease, and these things have very little power or appeal except in occasional moments of weakness. I also used to be very overweight and binge on food. This too I overcame, albeit a lot more slowly. Still, I was able to lose about 25 kilograms (about 55 pounds) over a year. I've put on a little bit of weight since then, but generally speaking I'm a lot better than I once was.
I'm not saying all of this to toot my own horn, but rather to point out that I generally have pretty good self control. I'm no ascetic, and I'm certainly not immune to desires and wants, but I have been able to work at and conquer these sorts of desires in the past. It may be painful, and unpleasant, and I might stumble, but I will make progress. That's the way most everything in my life has been. Sexual sins and desires, however, seem to be a completely different beast.
Sexual desires feel innate to me in a way that no other sinful desire is. I can feel them in my marrow. Unlike alcohol, tobacco etc. there is no way to avoid all contact with sexual thoughts and acts, as sexual organs are an integral part of the human body and sexual thoughts seem to be an integral part of the mind. It'd be like if an alcoholic had a bottomless vodka bottle attached to his hip at all times, and if getting drunk was necessary for procreation and the continuation of the human race. What's more, the one legitimate outlet for relief from these desires is now closed to me, possibly forever. Unlike the other anons in here who've struggled to find love, I'm already married. However, my wife told me a week ago that she no longer wants to have sex with me as she doesn't have a libido, and the sexual act itself is unpleasant and somewhat painful for her. She also said it wasn't my fault as a partner. I'm a good husband, I work full time, I help around the house, and I'm attentive to her needs. Without being too graphic, she also said it's not any failing on my part as a lover, and she's always praised me for being very attentive in that regard. Basically, despite all my efforts, I probably won't ever have sex again. If I do, those occasions will be very few and far between. At this point I'm completely lost as I feel like I've tried everything including Saint Paul's advice to get married. I'll pray more and try more, but I think this is the one kind of sin that will haunt me to my grave and beyond. I hope and pray for deliverance and forgiveness, but unfortunately I have a hard time believing I'll get much of either.