Fucking hell lads, just had a completely awful experience. I was checking the spam folder of one of my mail accounts for a message from nexusmods, when I noticed a message I had never seen before - it was dated one year and nine days ago, around the time period my late best friend had tried (and failed) to end his life through partial suspension hanging.
It was from a website called ifIdie.org, I was incredulous, it seemed like far too much a coincidence, and my instincts told me it was a phishing scam - essentially the site told me that my friend (who had died by suicide three months after the email was sent) had left a message for me on this website, and that if I were to attempt to view it he would recieve a notification, so I should only view it if he had died. Naturally, I was desperate to hear any word from my friend beyond the grave, and throwing caution to the wind I clicked through the link onto the website. It said that I could no longer view the message, because my friend had deleted it.
One can only presume that, if it were not a phishing scam (and if it were, I struggle to see how phishers would know both my best friend's online name, my email address, and the month in which he attempted a botched suicide) he had written something he wanted me to see, only to delete it out of embarassment, and take his life proper three months later.
I'm so sad lads - why did something like this have to happen? I was cautiously optimistic when I got the email in question, I thought perhaps it might contain some words through which I could derive comfort, to see a notification of deletion is such a punch to the gut. It's been nearyl nine months now and it seems I still stumble across fresh ways to wound myself. This life is unbearably cruel, and I am filled with an impossible rage.
Fuck everything, I'm going to drug myself into submission.